For 3 or 4 years now I've been playing Phantasy Star Universe every Friday and Saturday night (or most nights, anyway) with Clark, Jim and my hubby. Sometimes my sis joined in too. It was something we could look forward to doing every weekend... a constant in life.

By the end of 2009 I'd gotten my main character, Reina Hidalgo, very close to the level cap (160, or is it higher now, not sure). I maxed her levels in 6 classes: Fighgunner (still my favorite ever), Guntecher (my 2nd favorite, yay for bows!), Fortegunner, Fortefighter, Protranser (EX traps rule) and Acrofighter. I'm very close to maxing Gunmaster and was determined to start on Fighmaster next, the melee weapon equivalent to the Gunmaster class, more or less. (Spear is one of their favored weapons... I love spears!)

But now it's all going to be gone at the end of March. :( We knew this would happen, the PC/PS2 servers have such loooowww activity compared to Xbox servers. But it's sad to see. All those hours of play (over 1000), yet even if I did get an Xbox I wouldn't be able to transfer all those levels over.

Ryshassa chibi by Shurelia.

I have a local copy that's a .psd but don't have Photoshop installed yet. She's doing a Dark Siren chibi for me too and then I'll put smaller .gif versions on my site to replace the Gaia Online ones. If I am around long enough to see them done, anyway. (I hope so... the sketch of the Siren one is cute.)

I feel really bad right now and I wonder... what am I really in this world for if I am so miserable? I don't like anything about myself and I can't handle things going wrong in my life. I can't handle responsibilities or really care for myself at all. I don't understand why I have to be so afraid of death...

I just have little things that make me smile... irrelevant things... like my chibi. And video games, and characters I like, and stupid little projects. But none of it really gives my life any value.

So there was no RP on Tuesday, but it looks like I'll play GQ and Westward! later today. Not sure about ADoA but I figure there'll be a day sometime this week.

I spent most of yesterday playing PSU and talking with Eni and others. Actually, I just stopped playing PSU now, though there were some breaks in between. I tried a few new missions (in particular Tunnel Recapture and Eastern Peril) and we also did some S runs, Unsafe Passage S and Holy Grounds S (the latter gives a LOT of xp! Reina is level 53, Fighgunner 6 now.)

Wish I could say more about NWN2 but sleeping too much, other hobbies and friends sucked up any time I could've played it besides Monday night. I made Mizuhi as a moon elf fighter (intending to take Arcane Archer PRC later) but decided she sucks too much and may make her over again.

And that's all for now.

The weather wasn't even as good as I thought it'd be. It was warm, but there was strong wind and a chance for rain. We did eat in the park but the wind was blowing things everywhere and it was kind of inconvenient. *shrugs*

I went and bought Neverwinter Nights 2 at the mall with some birthday money I got. I feel vaguely guilty but I wanted to buy something I could make characters with. I guess I could have just saved the money. I tend to impulse buy when I'm depressed, though it's not like I'm using money I need for food or bills. Just that maybe it'd be good to save, you know? I really should.

While at the mall, I had an anxiety attack, so Jon went and took me to see the waterfall nearby here. It was nice, there were walkways at various vantage points to view the waterfall up close and a suspension bridge right over the falls. We took some pics. The sound of the water calmed me.