nekigame

RPoL obsession... still going strong.

Outcastes, I am starting to feel better about again since moving the game onto a more interesting encounter.

Five Coils, I already have 8 players for, wtf? Well, technically 7. But it is SO not hard to find players. And yeah, that includes at least halfway decent ones. For that game I pretty much personally asked people to join, I got a yes from all but one.

Hmm. I think I am not all that sucky at this after all. Problem is that all I do now is RPoL, and almost NOTHING ELSE. I kinda worry I don't give myself other things to pay attention to or do. Jon keeps saying it's ok... because it makes me happy, and barring being able to do ANYTHING else about my situation of complete life stagnation and NO good news in the mail, that's pretty much the best I can do to stay sane.

Well I don't want to think about the crap right now. So moving on...

I make characters like Ziziri: a cannibalistic Full Moon Lunar with a hyena totem, my entry for a barbarian game I may or may not get accepted for. She's even more of a violent catharsis than Huntress, who turned out to be fairly well-spoken and subtle (well, she IS a Day Caste), while Zizi truly relishes and *thirsts* for killing. I'm amused this Lunar could end up more evil than any of my Abyssals. :P

Nekira, if you're reading this, I'm really sorry x.x but I need more time alone. :( Forum games are just less... 'direct' communication for me, so I feel safer with them in my current state of mind. Next week, though, I'll definitely contact you. With many, many apologies.

Speaking of forums... I'm still open for more character applications for Outcastes on the Open Sea. More high quality RTJs would make me happy. For those of you new to RPoL, don't shy from commenting on this entry (well, could email too but I'm not really checking my email lately *sigh*) or clicking the "Request Access" link on the game page and sending me a PM that way.

it's 5 am and I'm awake. Booooo :( I thought I fixed it but I ended up napping earlier today and now I don't want to go to bed. Not really progressing much with getting outside more. It'll be winter before I know it, at this rate. *sigh*

I can talk about all the ways I fail lately but I think I won't.

Um. I made another Exalted (2nd ed) chara but not sure I like her much. And I ended up skipping game on Nekira again which sucks of me (though she said she doesn't mind) :( I'm going to be thrown off again because my doc appointment is actually NEXT Weds, not today, and now next week is starting to look too busy for my liking (grr, double grr).

and I need to not be all hermity and slacktastic but I REALLY CAN'T right now. my life is becoming intolerable every time I think of how I have to keep freaking WAITING for everything and have no confidence my plans will work out in the meantime. *shrug* life sucks.

Mostly I was playing DR yesterday (and this early morning). Oh, and I did play a bit of Rosalia with Nekira, too. There was a week timeskip so now she's noticing her servants getting ominously ill... dun dun dun!

At one point in the afternoon I came on to reboot and totally forgot to actually do the reboot. *boggle* Ah well. Also meant I wasn't on anything but AIM all day.

I think I'm suffering some pretty severe stress symptoms right now. Like... my chest feels like there's pressure sitting on it. My shoulders are strained and sometimes I can't feel my extremities on my left side. I went out to take a walk earlier in the day and the combination of stress and heat made me so lightheaded I had to turn back.

So I guess I really just need to rest and have some time to myself, again. I may even see a doctor if this continues beyond the next couple days, despite the fact I don't even have my health insurance set up yet. Just feeling really bad right now.

Had to cancel Emberdays session. :/ Things were going bad for a while, until late this afternoon.

I'll explain later, maybe. I'm not sure yet how much I want to explain of it. I'm mostly okay, though. I just need some time to myself right now. =_= I'ma also needing to work on Reborn Again RP info, so that'll distract me for much of the week. :O I'm trying to find a hardbound copy of BESM 3rd, which would speed up my working on it significantly.

Anyway, what I've been working on lately... another RPoL character! And you thought I was tired of those.

Huntress of the Seven Plagues - Day Caste Abyssal. Plague-bearer (as per the Debility? I think? But made into a merit) and stealthy archer-type. She's also App 1, due to nasty plague scars. Yes, I'm playing ugly! But not App 0 ugly.

...is at least partially related to my mood. Just not been feeling well emotionally. "Fun" bouts with depression, breakdowns, paranoia, insomnia and so on. Why? Several reasons, not all of which I can say here.

This weekend is going to be rather draining for me, I imagine, as I'm finally starting SC and have to get back up to par with Ember Days as well. *sigh* So much to do. Right now I'm just going to concentrate on writing as much preliminary info as I can for the Soul Collectors intro, which I imagine will take the group from Heaven to Sijan. (Also, I have Nekigame today in a few hours... though I'm not sure how much I'm up to it.)

I don't know when I'll have time to pop onto IRC again... if not Friday, then on the weekend some time. P.S. I refuse to do or think of anything else but SC on Saturday. P.P.S. Kalli ;.; I'm really sorry but I probably won't be able to post on Steamworks till Friday. I'm such a slouch. :/

Okay... I feel less cranky today. :O

First of all, found a new Soul Collectors player. And I actually got a better time for SC... every other Saturday at 4PM. I'll make sure it ends before my usually nightly stuff (PSU, or 1890s game).

Saturday just ended up being better in general, since people are at work and school on weekdays, and I also have a European player who needs to sleep by 9 PM my time. I just happen to have that afternoon time free, since I left ADoA, and it'd only take half my Saturdays anyway. So I thought, "why not?"

The new SC player is going to play a Redsid, so, now I've got 2 Sids, 2 Solars and an Abby (...walk into a bar... uh, just kidding! :D) I'm going to have a Lunar character as backup, so that covers that base, especially if one of the players drops or something. So I guess that's that!

The game starts May 24th now. n.n So I can relax a while, catch up on sleep. That's *definitely* good.

Well, yesterday I was supposed to RP with Nekira, my first game with Rosalia! But it ended up getting cut short 'cause I had to finalize my sheet in the afternoon (took FOREVER to figure out my Legends) -- and then, when we finally GOT started, Nekira ended up having computer problems while we had a dinner break. Oops. ^^; We still talked a lot, though, and the few posts she got through were fun and descriptive, so I'm looking forward to more.

Also, the sudden end of Nekigame (it has another name, probably... but I'm not sure what it is yet :D) gave me the time to do Talliska's interview with the Order of the White Rose. :o Apparently she did pretty well, from the reaction I got. I got to meet Mialeigh in game some time after that too, which is awesome! Mialeigh rules! :D I missed her and her player, too, whom I've been chatting with more lately on AIM. Our lives have changed and progressed a lot, but we still chat as easily as if it was 3 years ago. I LOVE that.

I'm running Emberdays in ...several hours, and I actually have stuff written down. o.O I don't plan THAT far ahead, but I try to at least get the big descriptive bits written ahead of time when I'm not totally feeling like crap.

Well, I am still rather hermit-y at the moment. But, I could at least think up a few descriptive passages. We'll see how the actual game goes, I guess! :P But I don't really want to run that long... maybe 5 hours-ish?

I'm not actually sure why I'm trying to run despite my mood, except that I'm really paranoid about getting play time for ED nowadays. I think I'll really have to take a break after this one, though. Maybe a week-ish, then I'll try and fit a session and maybe a mini in before taking a break for the holidays.

I just don't know what to do.

I don't feel like I'm going to be better any time soon.

I just want to disappear because I'm not good at getting things done. The most I've done is kept ED running, and I have enough ideas prepared that I can do that. But beyond that, I don't know. I'm just... horrible. I feel irritable and intolerant of even the littlest annoyances. I can't feel enthusiastic about anything.

I don't know how to not feel like this once it starts. I've just had to let it run its course. Is that what I'll do now?