loyalty

Trying to write out my feelings after moving to Montreal is, again, something I've had a hard time putting in words.

My impressions of the city itself are easy enough. I like it so far... or at least the small part of downtown I live in, 'cause I've not had the opportunity to go very far yet. Hard to do really, what with all the errands we still have left, and a lack of money.

The conveniences here are better than I had in Quebec City. We have a grocery store just a couple blocks away. Few blocks in the opposite direction is a mall and the closest subway station. Within walking distance, there's plenty of other malls and restaurants. Same with my college of choice (it's only one subway stop away, so it's more worth walking it unless the weather truly blows.)

Okay, Wednesday is officially my "I am not playing any RP" day this week. Nothing. I've already dropped one game and I have another one in mind to do the same with soon. I'm not going to deal with it till Thurs though.

Just trying to clean up my free time a bit. Even though it makes me look like a total flake, or a bad RPer, or whatever, it's better I admit early that I want out than to keep on with it for weeks and weeks. Sometimes I just go through these periods where I'm bored, or lonely, or whatever, and end up joining every RP I find, then realize "hey wait. I didn't keep my limits in mind." Got to curb my impulsiveness. :/

The only other thing I want to post at the moment is this: Jon's Wardragon 40k music! He composed a song playing live synths, basically a theme song for the game and for the Unity, the flagship of the Unified Forces of Creation.

I'm really proud of it, and of my husband. :D

(This lengthy post includes some musings on my sex life. Nothing graphic, because I abhor writing about that publically. But, the topic comes up so... fair warning. :P)

I often say that I feel too old. Old is a relative thing, though. If you think that humans live 70+ years, then yes, I am still young. I have over half my lifespan left... assuming that stress doesn't cut it short, anyway. *shrugs*

But when you think about what a person in their late twenties is expected to accomplish, I'm very old to be the way I am now. I have no college degree, am unemployed, at least a little bit agoraphobic, have no friends I can meet in person, and am ruled by the whims of my depression and anxiety-fueled paranoia.

I should be doing ED stuff, but right now I can't stop thinking how *awesome* writing this was, 'cause I usually play such compassionate chars. Ahhh, I love playing Archa! <3

P.S. Warning for violence. :O Not that bad, but I worry about people just randomly stumbling on my posts and getting disturbed by it.

I slept terribly last night. Well, really felt more like last afternoon. x.x I really shouldn't try sleeping twice in a day, but I just couldn't get back to sleep, like I said.

So I tried to nap again for a little while before B&B started. I ended up having nightmares again, and waking up so groggy and disoriented to the alarm clock that I just had to sleep some more. The nightmares weren't as freakshow weird as the teeth falling out one, though. It was a different sort of frightening, more of the anxiety/guilt sort.

This is an odd morning. I woke up at 3 am after falling asleep playing a bunch of FFXII. I'm really taking my time with the game -- I absolutely LOVE the plot and the setting and all, but I also have a bit of that obsessive gamer in me that makes me want to do all the hunts and earn money for awesome equipment and fill my characters' license grids all early. So that's what I've been doing a lot of. ^^; I've got something like 35? hours logged and I'm only about to go to Bur-Omisace. Either the game is shorter than I thought or I'm just fucking slow at playing it, I don't know! Or care! :D