Sometimes I wonder if I suffer from more than depression and anxiety. I mean, where does all my chronic paranoia and lack of ability to trust people come from? I guess that could be social anxiety, but if it was just that why would I also be so mistrusting of my husband, who's done nothing to me that was meant to be hurtful?

Sure, he's hurt me by mistake, he's hurt me thinking he meant well. He's lost control at times when frustrated with me. He's made decisions that put me in precarious position with immigration and at one point I got therapy when he broke up with me, both of which are old news by now anyway. But never once has he really set out to cause me pain, only reacted to pain I caused him one way or another, or acted out of worry for me.

I know that, but it doesn't change things. Why?

Hey! Everything installed fine! It's awesome. I'm so happy, I'm going to sit here and download Sims 2 stuff all night, even if it means sitting here wearing my sunglasses. I tried NOT using them while playing some Heroes 5 earlier (it's hard to see those subterranean maps when your glasses are tinted) and that led me to so much pain that I slept right through the cable tech coming by to set everything up.

I was playing a custom map and damn, did I get owned. o.O I waited too long and the computer's player came out with 3000+ skeleton archers and shit. That was just way too wrong. I didn't have any 5th level destructive spells to kick ass -- I was playing Wizard, and the 5th level mage guild had all status effect type spells! Didn't even have anyone with Light Magic as a skill to get things like Deflect Missile and Resurrection. My game ended with me getting chased by the opposition's biggest army until I reached a dead end and thought "Okay, this sucks. Better quit!"

Okay, so I've been bidding on eBay lately, looking for skirts within my price range (which at the moment is $10 ish. +shipping usually gets around to $15-$20). I already won one, it's a pretty dark brown with pink stripes around, short and flared and kinna gypsy ish. Looks pretty unique and I'm happy with that!

I just bid on a couple more, dunno how well that will go though. x.x One is a black pleated skirt, kinda stretch ish, meant to wear on the hips. And the other a red tartan skirt. Also hip worn. I'm looking for short skirts to wear with my socks/tights :D I was really wanting to find a camo one, but there aren't any good ones being sold right now. At least not "good" in my opinion (The only one I found my size was a lil too long and more of a woodland camo, too much brown in it). Or maybe something grey. I would like that, too.

Late last night I finally got the opportunity to relax a bit. Playing computer games!

I actually ended up messing with Dreamfall a bit first, 'cause Jon was hunting for a Heroes 5 map for us to play. The game is not so bad when it's not triggering my nerves. Actually, it's fun, and the graphics are great. ^^; I had to stop again at a part I'm not going to be comfortable playing, though (having to skulk around corridors with spider bots that can fry your brain makes me all sorts of anxious). I'll just have Jon do that and then move on, I guess!

We just came back from eating out at a very nice Italian restaurant for Jon's birthday. I had to stop a lot walking on the way home out of fear I'd get sick, what with the food, the third of a bottle of wine I drank and the after-dinner coffee. Let's see... I had escargot in a creamy mushroom sauce, cream of zucchini soup, filet mignon in pepper sauce and an awesome slice of truffle cake for dessert. All of it was so good! But now I am so, soooo very full. Need to get out of my dress and into some comfy clothes.

In fact, I'll do that now! :D

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