exercise

I'm going to play Sims 2 this ENTIRE DAY!

I find it oddly therapeutic to just immerse myself in Sims 2 for an extended period of time. Afterward, for some reason, life just doesn't seem as bad! Maybe it's the feeling of having complete control over a society and its people. Gives me some sort of confidence and satisfaction (I do always strive to give my Sims happy lives!) More so than with games like Spore or Sim City, because Sims are a lot more like 'virtual people' with their various social and interpersonal interactions.

Anyway, I have a lot to do and get done (both online and in RL) so I'm not wanting to be in a down mood much longer. It's hard to fight it :( but I did go and exercise on my own without prompting today, and that's something.

I also joined a depression forum. I don't know whether it will do much for me yet, but it does help to be able to talk about depression and know people know what I'm talking about.

This was yet another uneventful day (in terms of getting offline / non-computer related things done) and so I feel pretty bad about that. I did start my tag rearranging but got stuck again with the usual issues -- usually it's something about how to differentiate characters I make vs. character obsessions, and where to put 'Artwork' or perhaps 'Pictures', since the Creativity category is supposed to be for things I create, and I'm no visual artist.

Yeah, dumb nitpicky things, but they're important to me. :/

I've been feeling badly lately, too, because Kalli has been telling me all about her progress going outside more often, getting a job and such, and I've been doing so very little.

Well, I've mostly been relaxing this week, and I guess that's a good thing because I'm coming out of a really stressful high. I feel a little bad because I'm being pretty insular lately, hard to reach except in DR... but I really just need some time to myself.

I have an appointment to make my new bank account this Monday (good thing I'm not running ED that week), and I want to start my college application process in earnest by next month. I hope that I'll run Emberdays all right, too, because messing that up could affect my mood and confidence when it comes to accomplishing other more important things.

For now it's just been a lot of Dragonrealms, as I said. I'm either doing interviews for the White Rose, or training Talliska's survivals (at my last count, I need 10 scouting, 7 foraging, 6 climbing, 6 swimming, 6 evasion to catch up to the new Ranger requirements. Sounds like a lot but it was WAY worse before!)

I've been having a hard time figuring out how to write entries lately, for some reason. Like so much has happened, or is in the process of happening, that I just have NO idea where to start, where to end and how to divide it up.

Well, to make it easy for myself I'll open with the easier topic, that is, my return to online life. :O

First thing I did coming back was get back on AIM and IRC, of course. That was on Friday. Immediately had a lot of chatting to do. ^^; I was missed, despite all my usual fears, and that was nice to know, even though for a while there I was thinking about not returning at all.

We finally got 'net set up here today. Sheesh, took a while. The cable guys had to actually drop a wire from the rooftop, drill holes through our walls, and staple the wire along our ceilings. And it took 'em a few days to figure out how.

We don't even have PHONE yet. n.n On the other hand, I did hear from Kalli, today!! Turns out her phone just wasn't working at all where she moved. *sadface* BUT she ended up moving in with her uncle who has net access. :O So it looks like I'll get to see her now and then online when her uncle's girlfriend isn't using her comp. This is very awesome!

I have a lot to write about but I'll have to do it later. Going to take a walk (I've been exercising lately!) Let me tell you, Montreal is such a relief for me... there's stores open till 9 pm or even later over here, every day! It feels more like where I *used* to live, but it's different. It's amazing how truly bilingual it is here, too.

Oh and check out my status. I'm playing FF12 again! GASP! And I finished watching Gundam Seed. I want to watch more Gundam series now. n.n

Friday was my day to get out of the apartment for a while. Jon and I walked the whole distance to the mall, that was nearly an hour walk, but great exercise! Kinda tired me out, though, going all that way without even eating beforehand. :x

I almost bought a pretty dress on sale (it was really cute ;.; this kinda offwhite, with brown and burnt orange leafy patterns. I really like those colors on me.) But instead I went and got Final Fantasy Tactics Advance 2 for the DS. Does that make me a total dork, choosing video games over fashion? PROBABLY! :D

I came back and played some PSU (it was a lil late though, like 12 am) which was fun, since I haven't played in like 2 weeks. ;.; And then I talked to sis on Skype a bunch while training Talliska in swimming, skinning and combats. We had a nice conversation about various things. Nothing stressful, really. Work, games, etc.

*yawn* Well, Jiana's out of a game, bah. If I remake her I am definitely going to have to improve her combos defensively, because that whole horse thing made me paranoid. Even though I still think he wouldn't have been crippled. But anyway! Probably better I learned *that* lesson in a game I didn't want to stay in, rather than one I did.

So, I gotta write for ED, even though I feel all worn out and crap. Hopefully I can make it not suck (I say that a lot, don't I). I ended up kinda screwing up last week :/ so I hope I'm at least in SOMEWHAT better shape.

I'm still wanting to stick to my "go out at least 3 days this week!" deal, but that'll start on Tuesday. Man. I really do need to get more exercise, I'm starting to get really. Really. Lazy. x.x And it's JUNE for crying out loud. It's warm and... okay it was raining pretty hard the past couple of days. Still, this is like, the prime time for me to actually be soaking up some sun, not hiding away in my room!

Soo my online (gaming) life is a lot more exciting than my RL one. What's new?

Also, I need to stop staying inside so much. Bad me. x.x Just... it's been bad lately, again. Don't know what to say about that. I really should be spending time outside instead of poking incessantly at all these RPs, but... *sigh* I just... don't know. I can't, somehow.

I'm going to try on Tuesday and Wednesday though. Go out on both days! *shakefist* I'll even try to take a walk before Nekira's game on Thurs, and maybe go out on Fri and bring some books with me to plan for Soul Collectors outside, assuming the weather's good. Or on any other day that might be a good, warm day.

I just really have to break this agoraphobic streak and get more exercise. Bah. That said, though, here's the first part of my RP updates!

Late last night Jon and I tried PSU Max Attack G again. The Ruins were recently added and boy, did we get our asses whooped trying the S-rank mission! It was just the two of us, since Clark and Jim's accounts are both screwed (argh) and my sis was too sleepy.

Man, we REALLY got owned. o.O And I was a little bit annoyed by it 'cause we slogged through something like an hour and 30 minutes of constant waves of enemies and breaks to return for healing and Scape Dolls (I must have used like... 30 of em total) only to die close to the end. It was in VR Ruins Block B... just this one room with seemingly endless waves of Deljabans and these tall SEED-forms with a big, nasty claw in one hand and a photon blade in the other (forgot the name).

The big ones were powerful enough to cut Reina down in 2 swipes, and she recently hit level 115, Fighgunner 18. Crazy. I still think we could've made it -- IF we didn't run out of Scape Dolls in that room.

I was going to spend tonight working on Rosalia's sheet, but once again, I was thwarted. :/ Deadlines and weariness aside, friends > RP and I really wanted to be there to talk.

I've seen with my own eyes, and lived with my own experience, how much damage depression can do to a person's life -- and sometimes, the lives of others, too. I understand all too well the self-destructive urge, but I have the wisdom of many years of self-analysis and a husband who just never quit when it comes to making me face the *truth* of my condition. I honestly consider myself lucky that I've had these years to think about myself and what's really wrong with me. Many people with my condition never get that far -- they only continue to blame themselves, and believe that everything that goes wrong in their life is their just desserts.