I have a LOT to post about! Including a couple of long-ish posts I need to finish up and tack on here. n.n

For now, I just want to announce that I sent my new college app today. To be more accurate, Jon has done a lot of helping me through it this time, because I felt so discouraged at one point I really just felt giving up on my dream to finish college. I felt incredibly bad these past couple weeks. It's seriously been a while since I had a depressive episode that dark.

But I'm finally getting SOME forward motion here. Sent the app, and I got word from my lawyer that March 21 is the deadline for my documents and compensation. While I'm taking this with a grain of salt -- I've been given dates before only for them to preclude yet ANOTHER deadline -- he did reassure us that things are going very smoothly.

It's just the waiting that's hard. Having faith that things will work out. I'm a pessimist who has seen a lot of unexpectedly bad things come true. But I'd be lying if I said I ever lost my hope completely. Because if I did, I'd be dead.

I hope that my mood (and in turn my physical health) will continue to rise. I've even stepped outside a couple times, so that's a good sign! *crosses fingers*

Utena/Anthy hurt/comfort fic. I read one earlier today and got all "eeee~" about it.

I find it amusing that those two have to be one of my favorite couples in anime OF ALL TIME </kanye> but they're two girls. And I still consider myself straight!

Anyway, I never really thought their gender really mattered. In Revolutionary Girl Utena, that matters way less than the feelings between the characters. As I'm sure I've said before, I think that's what I like about it. Love that transcends gender. That concept has always fascinated me way more than loving, or being attracted to the male gender.

Lately I have been thinking again about my ideas to continue Reborn Again. How I wish there was enough energy and inspiration in my body to do that now! I still need to heal, mentally, though. Everyone's worried about me, because I'm always so worn out, to the point I can't even keep up with my games and I have to keep taking mini-breaks from Dragonrealms.

Not really true. But I've been horrendously busy/distracted.

Earlier this week there was this whole fiasco with my brother-in-law coming to visit with his girlfriend during a time 1) we were TOTALLY not prepared for visitors, 2) I was HORRIBLY busy because I had a lot to do absolutely no time and energy to do it all.

Having the distraction of relative strangers in my home (I didn't know the girl at all, and my brother-in-law and I have the language barrier) completely destroyed any progress I would've had on my work. I was extremely upset about that, and at the idea that we were expected to put up with their presence on short notice because he decided he wanted to leave home on a whim. It wasn't even an emergency or anything so much as just... moving with hardly ANY plan of where to stay and what to do for the next few days.

After all that, my RPoL posting was pretty much thrown off COMPLETELY as well, as I couldn't get the energy to do that, either. I just kept getting more and more behind, more and more exhausted. Even doing work for the Order of the White Rose in DR was more wearing than I would have liked. :(

Well I'm back, and I have a few things to say. (Note: I wrote most of this while depressed, and we all know how pessimistic I am when that happens.)

First of all: Linode! I have my eye on this. It's cloud hosting like Slicehost, but apparently even better price-wise. Even Drupal users are giving it praises. Looks so nice... and I am getting concerned with the lagging on HostForWeb. It's just getting incredibly bad and I'm tired of month after month being told to post my traceroute as if this is going to solve anything. :(

Lately I've been told there are load balancing issues, and they're going to fix it... but I've heard that one before too.

I'm just worried because I'm not particularly motivated lately. If I move my site, it may take me a while to set up. And that's fine for me, but not fine for other people I'm hosting. :/ I'll be doing this from scratch, so I have to install everything successfully, and I'm totally unsure I can do this well within a reasonable timeframe. After what happened with Slicehost (me just lagging on actually DOING anything with it) I'm worried it will be a waste of money, particularly since I am planning to order the $40/mo version and thus will be paying $80 a month until I migrate everything.

As for my recent vacation...

Well we couldn't really go out today due to lack of money (well, sorta... we were waiting for Jon's money to come in but it hadn't yet) and also the fact that it's incredibly cold out today. :( On top of that, I have been sleeping totally screwed up hours lately and can't seem to fix that.

We are going to formally celebrate sometime early January though... already booked the hotel and stuff. I'll stick an announcement up about that later! Jon and I are going to spend some alone time with each other then. <3

I am terrible at multitasking... It makes me slow at everything. When I was doing RPoL, DR, chatting to Kalli and others on AIM, AND poking at my facebook account, that was pretty crazy. o.O It's especially made me incredibly slow in RPoL, which means I will have to be stricter with myself. Stay off IMs and script DR while writing... play DR fully while chatting... write RPoL and chat a bit, maybe. And etc.

I think my limit is 2 ;) Should remember that when I'm back in college again!