besm

...and I had a great meal (mmm, calamari, and linguine al vongole... yeah, I like my seafood). We came back with a 6 pack of Guinness and I am probably going to get buzzed, haha. Go Asian alcohol tolerance! :P

I also bought the Anima: Beyond Fantasy RPG book. I'm actually really excited about trying it. I've had my eye on this book for a little while now and I think it may be even better suited for Reborn Again (with a little fudging of course, since it's more fantasy than modern, and would need some race additions possibly). Even if not, I think I like the system/setting enough that I might like to run it for some other original concept.

It's a game that has an anime feel, but isn't anime from the foreign fan's point of view, which is kinda what stuff like BESM and Exalted feel like now and then. (Exalted, to this day, names Ninja Scroll as an inspiration, and that makes me VERY VERY sad. Ugh.)

Ugh... for some reason I'm way too hot, even though it's 2 am and I have the huge fan at my back. I think I must just be stressed out. :/ Some difficult stuff happened (not to me, though) that got me all tensed up. So I'm gonna lie down soon.

I spent the whole day in DR, and not actually getting many survival ranks. I've just been tweaking these training scripts Manze gave me, which led to a rash of redoing old scripts I already wrote before, and adding some new ones, too. I've got almost everything that I'd actually like to script scripted. :O

And Talliska has something like 12 ranks of general survival until circle 33.

I'm gonna run D&D 4e tomorrow (well, later today!) I'm not all that prepared, but I'm still going to try and test stuff out with Kalli and Jon. I suppose we'll just try and see what happens. :O There's a lot of rules in the DM book, but I think I'm just going to use the basic XP total guidelines and put random stuff per room, and traps. (Dun dun dun!)

Ugh. I haven't written for too long. Well, 4 days is long to me.

I'd been stressing over writing the Reborn Again stuff I posted on my wiki last night. I'm not even DONE with it all and I'm all worn out from writing it. Mostly because I had to try to figure out how BESM works AND write a whole set of custom rules for it. And I'm still not done with the fluff. I keep getting questions about all the important locations in RA world and it's bugging me that the docs are incomplete. GRR.

I've wanted to run the D&D roguelike game all bad, too, but because of all that other writing I had to cancel it... and now I'm supposed to run Emberdays today but I'm so damn worn out from worrying and writing and depriving myself of sleep that I'm so certain I won't be running my best game.

But, I really, really can't cancel again. *sigh* I seriously just want several days to rest my mind. I just keep praying that somehow I'll just pull out some amazing creativity out of nowhere and make this next part of ED work.

Truth is though, I really just want to lie down.

Gonna spend some much needed time outside. It always seems like such a big event with me. OMG, I actually *GO OUTSIDE!* Le gasp! :P

As I mentioned earlier I want to go buy a hardcopy of BESM 3rd. So I can only hope it's actually there at the store I'm going to check. Imaginaire tends to have a lot of old stuff in stock though! :O I need to write more of the RA RP stuff so I neeeeed this book.

And! We kinda want to get more Alias. I mean. Not kinda, but REALLY want to. The first season is just so spectacular and twisted, with an end that just leaves so many questions that it's hard to NOT want to see more. ^^; The eps we watched in Montreal were 4th season... ish... and I think the series gets watered down a bit by then, but the beginning is just WHOA.

Okay, I really ought to get off my ass and actually *leave* so... yeah. I'll be back tonight (late-ish) P.S. Kalli, hope you feel better soon! ;___;

Had to cancel Emberdays session. :/ Things were going bad for a while, until late this afternoon.

I'll explain later, maybe. I'm not sure yet how much I want to explain of it. I'm mostly okay, though. I just need some time to myself right now. =_= I'ma also needing to work on Reborn Again RP info, so that'll distract me for much of the week. :O I'm trying to find a hardbound copy of BESM 3rd, which would speed up my working on it significantly.

Anyway, what I've been working on lately... another RPoL character! And you thought I was tired of those.

Huntress of the Seven Plagues - Day Caste Abyssal. Plague-bearer (as per the Debility? I think? But made into a merit) and stealthy archer-type. She's also App 1, due to nasty plague scars. Yes, I'm playing ugly! But not App 0 ugly.

Figures that now that I have more time to myself I'd do MORE RP, yes? These projects are meant to be a lot more lightweight and slower paced games than the other stuff I was trying, though. And it helps satisfy my curiosity about messing with non-Exalted systems!

Reborn Again: Destiny's End - Unfinished page for my BESM game, which should start in August after I'm settled in Montreal. I'm probably being a lil' slow with this one, but it's *Reborn Again* and so that requires some more attention to detail (read: perfectionism) from me to write all the necessary docs.

Roguelike Adventures! - A D&D 4e game, good ol' dungeon crawler in the style of a roguelike game. This site is more or less complete (with players' charsheets) and is almost ready to run. :O I just need to poke at the DM book and get a good method of churning out random dungeons and such.

Monday (yesterday, now) was not so bad, minus the fact I didn't really sleep enough. D: Mostly, I just ran a small Emberdays scene for Milena, which was short and slow (we often are), but fun. I couldn't run a full session because Grey was AWOL, but I'm happy 'cause everyone's in the right spot to come together next week now, AND I have more time to write stuff ahead of time (even maybe gasp, a few partially statted enemies. Dunno!)

I've been letting Kalli play my DR account, so she's been giving me accounts of how well Atma's training up. Before it was Lucylla (my Siren-alike). But I told her "plz train my weaksauce barb" and she was "all over that like flies on shit." XD Awesome. I'm so lazy I get my friend to train my DR charas for me, apparently! So Atmadja's at 14th now and Lucy is... 8th? 9th? Not sure.

Today was... okay, and bad. At one point EMO bad. Basically, a couple days back I did something stupid, and got found out though I tried not to be, and it ended up somehow blowing all out of proportion with people paranoid and stuff. ARGH. Well, I learned my lessons and I explained to people what was up, so now it's better.

I feel like I am a bad friend to people sometimes. It really makes me sad to think I might have hurt or insulted someone I care about, even unintentionally. It's actually a quite dangerous feeling. People react to shame in different ways; mine comes out as a desire to withdraw from people and find some sort of twisted "relief" by debasing myself. Some way to show, in writing or in thought, that yes, I feel guilty -- I feel lower than dirt, and I'll show you exactly how low that goes.