I have a LOT to post about! Including a couple of long-ish posts I need to finish up and tack on here. n.n

For now, I just want to announce that I sent my new college app today. To be more accurate, Jon has done a lot of helping me through it this time, because I felt so discouraged at one point I really just felt giving up on my dream to finish college. I felt incredibly bad these past couple weeks. It's seriously been a while since I had a depressive episode that dark.

But I'm finally getting SOME forward motion here. Sent the app, and I got word from my lawyer that March 21 is the deadline for my documents and compensation. While I'm taking this with a grain of salt -- I've been given dates before only for them to preclude yet ANOTHER deadline -- he did reassure us that things are going very smoothly.

It's just the waiting that's hard. Having faith that things will work out. I'm a pessimist who has seen a lot of unexpectedly bad things come true. But I'd be lying if I said I ever lost my hope completely. Because if I did, I'd be dead.

I hope that my mood (and in turn my physical health) will continue to rise. I've even stepped outside a couple times, so that's a good sign! *crosses fingers*

Utena/Anthy hurt/comfort fic. I read one earlier today and got all "eeee~" about it.

I find it amusing that those two have to be one of my favorite couples in anime OF ALL TIME </kanye> but they're two girls. And I still consider myself straight!

Anyway, I never really thought their gender really mattered. In Revolutionary Girl Utena, that matters way less than the feelings between the characters. As I'm sure I've said before, I think that's what I like about it. Love that transcends gender. That concept has always fascinated me way more than loving, or being attracted to the male gender.

Lately I have been thinking again about my ideas to continue Reborn Again. How I wish there was enough energy and inspiration in my body to do that now! I still need to heal, mentally, though. Everyone's worried about me, because I'm always so worn out, to the point I can't even keep up with my games and I have to keep taking mini-breaks from Dragonrealms.

Not really true. But I've been horrendously busy/distracted.

Earlier this week there was this whole fiasco with my brother-in-law coming to visit with his girlfriend during a time 1) we were TOTALLY not prepared for visitors, 2) I was HORRIBLY busy because I had a lot to do absolutely no time and energy to do it all.

Having the distraction of relative strangers in my home (I didn't know the girl at all, and my brother-in-law and I have the language barrier) completely destroyed any progress I would've had on my work. I was extremely upset about that, and at the idea that we were expected to put up with their presence on short notice because he decided he wanted to leave home on a whim. It wasn't even an emergency or anything so much as just... moving with hardly ANY plan of where to stay and what to do for the next few days.

After all that, my RPoL posting was pretty much thrown off COMPLETELY as well, as I couldn't get the energy to do that, either. I just kept getting more and more behind, more and more exhausted. Even doing work for the Order of the White Rose in DR was more wearing than I would have liked. :(

I'm listening to this album right now (by Red Hot Chili Peppers) and feeling nostalgic. It came out 10 years ago and used to be one of my favorite driving songs. I have very fond memories of driving down the Las Vegas Strip listening to that album with Michelle, Paul and Lisanne.

In fact I used to really enjoy driving a lot. Every time I did it was like a mini-vacation from life. But now I have chronic headaches and eyestrain and likely am not helping that by being at the computer for most of the day.

My car of 11 years (from 1996-2007 ish) was taken from me too due to being ruled by Canadian law to be unfit to drive. I've gotten $4k back for a savings fund, but it's still sad... that car was a big part of my late teens and young adulthood, and took me on that last, long journey from California to Quebec five years ago.

I left a record number of rpol games lately. Just... a lot of really slow games, and games I wasn't all that interested in after the fact.

Incidentally I'm only in ONE FFRPG game now. And I had joined a HUGE amount of them just a month or so ago! I'm sad about losing the chance to play Irina, who was one of my faves. Just, the game didn't have the right pace and level of description for me.

Right now I'm trying to work my way into a game where I'm playing a No Moon, Tlatcha. She's a lynx totem, a sorceress, and has a theme concerning dreams with significant, even prophetic meaning. She's a Haslanti Dreamseer and gets called southward by a dream quest, thereafter getting involved in the game plot. Also one of my youngest chars, probably around 17-18 years old.

The GM is taking a lot of time writing out setting detail while working with the backgrounds and motivations of the PCs. I like that he's detail oriented, but I hope he'll actually have the drive to keep up the game itself once it starts. That's usually the difficult part. I see plenty more rpol games die than live.