Well I'm back, and I have a few things to say. (Note: I wrote most of this while depressed, and we all know how pessimistic I am when that happens.)

First of all: Linode! I have my eye on this. It's cloud hosting like Slicehost, but apparently even better price-wise. Even Drupal users are giving it praises. Looks so nice... and I am getting concerned with the lagging on HostForWeb. It's just getting incredibly bad and I'm tired of month after month being told to post my traceroute as if this is going to solve anything. :(

Lately I've been told there are load balancing issues, and they're going to fix it... but I've heard that one before too.

I'm just worried because I'm not particularly motivated lately. If I move my site, it may take me a while to set up. And that's fine for me, but not fine for other people I'm hosting. :/ I'll be doing this from scratch, so I have to install everything successfully, and I'm totally unsure I can do this well within a reasonable timeframe. After what happened with Slicehost (me just lagging on actually DOING anything with it) I'm worried it will be a waste of money, particularly since I am planning to order the $40/mo version and thus will be paying $80 a month until I migrate everything.

As for my recent vacation...

Disappointment is... getting told I'll legally have my passport back today, only to find out the U.S. Embassy wants 2 more weeks before releasing it.

And why? Not 'cause my lawyer sucks, or even the Canadian immigration being slow, but because the lawyer's only dealing with immigration on the Canadian side. Can't actually put hard caps on what MY country's embassy does (thanks, America).

The date I'll receive it is Nov 20, or so they say. My mind kind of blanks out on these things because I'm always expecting yet another hurdle or loophole or some crap to keep me from getting my identification back. At this point I will have to start pressing the U.S. embassy if they for some reason delay me further than the 2 weeks they said they'll take. x.x

As for my Canadian national health card and permanent residency code and all that, I'm supposed to be receiving it from the government by December 23. The signed legal documents state that if they don't make it by that due date, they'll owe me $500,000.

Half a million is an impressive number, but I honestly believe I should be paid that money REGARDLESS of if they delay or not.

Latest random RP idea: Utena-ish game. Thinking of running it in OVA system (not Original Video Animation but Open Versatile Anime RPG), but need to get a hold of the PDF.

I've been joining SO MANY FFRPG games lately (even a homebrew one that's neither d100 or d6, but some sort of funky mashup of every RPG I've ever played). Now that Academy is slowly dying, and my interest in my other games is becoming questionable, I just keep wanting to join games instead. To be fair, Outcastes is going a bit better lately, but I'm still worried about whether I'll still be up to running Five Coils after how much DRAMA it caused me.

You'd think I'd go and do something better with my life instead... :P

I have been exercising a bit more and going out a bit more but lately I'm having a lot of trouble due to over-sensitivity to loud noises. Like, I cringe when horns are honked, or people yelling, and just plain have to plug my ears if there's loud things like badly maintained engines, construction work, etc.) So that makes it hard to go anywhere, again. There's always SOME sort of reason.

Sometimes I wonder if I suffer from more than depression and anxiety. I mean, where does all my chronic paranoia and lack of ability to trust people come from? I guess that could be social anxiety, but if it was just that why would I also be so mistrusting of my husband, who's done nothing to me that was meant to be hurtful?

Sure, he's hurt me by mistake, he's hurt me thinking he meant well. He's lost control at times when frustrated with me. He's made decisions that put me in precarious position with immigration and at one point I got therapy when he broke up with me, both of which are old news by now anyway. But never once has he really set out to cause me pain, only reacted to pain I caused him one way or another, or acted out of worry for me.

I know that, but it doesn't change things. Why?

I may not be going after all, though I'm still weighing my decisions.

Basically, I'm still having horrendous delays with immigration. As I have explained before, the fault is because of a mistake Jon made as my sponsor (completely innocently, but nonetheless, it put a HUGE WRENCH in my immigration process). So it's taking an unreasonable amount of time for me to get my permanent code so I can attend as a resident and not have to pay $11k for a single semester.

On top of this, I'm severely depressed and still unable to get any treatment because my health card STILL hasn't arrived.