Family

Trying to write out my feelings after moving to Montreal is, again, something I've had a hard time putting in words.

My impressions of the city itself are easy enough. I like it so far... or at least the small part of downtown I live in, 'cause I've not had the opportunity to go very far yet. Hard to do really, what with all the errands we still have left, and a lack of money.

The conveniences here are better than I had in Quebec City. We have a grocery store just a couple blocks away. Few blocks in the opposite direction is a mall and the closest subway station. Within walking distance, there's plenty of other malls and restaurants. Same with my college of choice (it's only one subway stop away, so it's more worth walking it unless the weather truly blows.)

Technically we're moving on August 2nd now, 'cause the landlady said she has emergency things on Friday to deal with. But we really have to stop being lazy and push to do the rest of the packing on the 1st... so I don't plan to be online much if at all.

That said, the past couple days have not been all that great...

Friday was my day to get out of the apartment for a while. Jon and I walked the whole distance to the mall, that was nearly an hour walk, but great exercise! Kinda tired me out, though, going all that way without even eating beforehand. :x

I almost bought a pretty dress on sale (it was really cute ;.; this kinda offwhite, with brown and burnt orange leafy patterns. I really like those colors on me.) But instead I went and got Final Fantasy Tactics Advance 2 for the DS. Does that make me a total dork, choosing video games over fashion? PROBABLY! :D

I came back and played some PSU (it was a lil late though, like 12 am) which was fun, since I haven't played in like 2 weeks. ;.; And then I talked to sis on Skype a bunch while training Talliska in swimming, skinning and combats. We had a nice conversation about various things. Nothing stressful, really. Work, games, etc.

[TMI warning: Themes of abuse, graphic descriptions of sexually demeaning fantasies, etc. The really graphic parts are labeled.]

It's raining outside...
storming actually.

I started my period. I haven't even packed yet. =_=

I ended up caught in some sort of depressive phase before I went to bed because sis was talking to me about... a certain member of my family, and I just...

...

Well... the bad stuff is more personal. I'm going to play it safe and just call it family problems. Also involving money.

It got me very, very upset though, and pretty much screwed me for getting ANYTHING ready for Soul Collectors, and I ALSO have to run ED tomorrow. So I'm... not sure what's going to happen with SC now. Jon keeps insisting I shouldn't run, but I REALLY, badly don't want to cancel.

I mean, it just feels even WORSE to cancel a game that only runs EVERY OTHER WEEK. *sigh* I am made of fail... I mean, wtf. Should have stuck to finishing it earlier instead of procrastinating / working on other RPs. Needless to say, I'm just going to run it anyway. I just feel *obligated* to. Going to mean a very sleepless Friday.

Talking to sis this afternoon, I'm thinking that I'm way more intolerant than her. Hmm. I don't mean on a large scale (i.e. prejudice against certain types or groups of people, 'cause I tend to take a "do/be whatever you want, long as it doesn't hurt anyone" stance with that) but more on an individual scale.

Basically, she's more willing to put up with people than I am. Actually, I think plenty of people out there are more tolerant than me. I get easily annoyed by certain traits, and as soon as it registers to me that it bothers me, I just try to minimize or even cease communication.

I wonder if that makes me seem like I'm not giving people enough of a chance. Personally, though, I think there is a danger in being too permissive, as much as there is a consequence to shutting too many people out of your acquaintance.

...though, I'm not lonely any more, I've realized that much. Looking back on my old entries, I can't even fathom why I could have felt that way.

So, Kalli wrote me a late birthday present. :O

It's a ficlet! It also so happens to have some yuri in it. ^^ (Winry/Sheska, from Fullmetal Alchemist. Thooough, it also implies some Ed/Al -- yaoi AND incest, whoo -- as it follows the events of her other FMA fic, Agapē.) The dedication she wrote in the beginning is *really* touching, too... I truly appreciated it. Never thought I'd say "YAY my friend gave me yuri as a present." XD

Anyway, all that babble aside, here is the fic: Treading on Dreams. OH and both fics I just linked are FMA-spoily so beware!

Following on the odd and unexpected incest theme is this lil IRC log from a few hours ago that amused me. XD (I'm Mieu, and Minna is my RL sister, just so you understand).

Well, she should be arriving there in an hour-ish, anyway.

I'm a lil' melancholy, but I'm also happy to have my creative and web work time back. I can't function without enough alone time for my projects and games and stuff, any more. And I'm still kinda agoraphobic... I was starting to get tense and cranky and overly self-critical (especially about my looks, but other things too) because I've been outside around people every day.

But, I felt kinda bad seeing my sis off. She kinda strikes me as feeling rather lost and lonely lately. I don't know if being around us did any good, though it did show her that life can be very different if you move away from the Bay Area, with all the competitiveness, high cost of living, overworking and overachieving.

I'm all sore and sleepy... I swear, I don't think my body can get used to waking earlier than 2 pm for some reason. That'll be a problem when I go back to college, I think... well maybe by then it'll be fixed, I dunno.

Yesterday we went shopping at the nearby mall with my sis. None of us really bought all that much, actually. Just a couple articles of clothing. My sis spent most of the 6 or 7 hours we were there mostly waffling about what to get (not unexpectedly!) Heh, I wish I could be that picky. I'm overweight so it is harder to find clothes I really like that fit me. So it made me a little bit... aggravated, I guess, because I saw *plenty* of stores with clothes I would have loved to buy if I was a more reasonable size.

Well, my sis is still sick. So she's been staying inside. :( I feel bad for her, getting sick on her one vacation week.

Jon and I went out to get some groceries and medicine. I got some exercise so that was good. I feel a little better today than I have in a while... but certain topics still set me off. Usually things about work, money or my dad. All of those things have come up at various times due to my sister's own situation with work lately, and of course talking about life back in the States.

I've been emailing my new acquaintance lately... she has some interesting things to say, and I think that it actually cheers me up simply to know I'm not alone in some of the things I feel or have been through. Her last email was quite encouraging for me to read, because of that.