[Long post] Obama '08, also some depression issues.

(Note: Comments off, 'cause I am not interested in a political debate.)

Life is still crap, and I'm pretty sure I'm going insane...

On the other hand, I will say this: I really, really hope Obama wins the U.S. presidential election. I don't live in the U.S. any more, but I may end up having to go back one day (maybe sooner than I'd like). And he is just plain more in line with what I'd like to see in a leader of my home country. I don't think he's THE perfect candidate, or that he'll be able to keep all his promises, but I think he'll still give it his best shot.

If nothing else one could point at McCain being 72 years old and his running mate. I for one do not want Palin to end up with the presidency if McCain keeled over before his term was up. As a person, sure, she's built a great family for herself, even brought a Down's syndrome baby into the world... but I'm honestly afraid of an extreme right, pro-conservative "family values" woman whose entire image post VP ticket was bought by campaign money being at the head of the U.S. :( I just plain don't like extreme anything: I'm politically left-of-center, myself.

Seriously, I'll just be hugely let down if Obama doesn't win. Maybe that's silly of me. But I feel like something in me would just break, thinking that people can actually BELIEVE in the idea that Obama is a commie because of his tax plan, or that because he'd at least TRY the negotiation path with terrorist nations that means he's all buddy-buddy with them, or that because his last name is Hussein he's a Muslim (as if being a Muslim in and of itself is even a bad thing), and so on.

Though I also have to admit a personal problem with the tax issue. The Republicans' stance is all about "Obama's plan doesn't reward hard work, it takes people's hard earned money and redistributes it to LAZY people." It pisses me off because I hate the very concept that anyone who can't work -- or hell, even people who just plain don't earn over $250k, which is pretty much everyone I know -- is automatically a lazy person. There are people with disabilities, or people like myself with debilitating mental illness, who just CAN'T work even if we want to.

Honestly, I don't necessarily think the government should be redistributing wealth, but at least don't put the people with debilitating disorders in the same freaking bag as people who are genuinely freeloaders. In fact I suspect that a larger percent than people realize of those so-called "freeloaders" may also have undiagnosed depression, social anxiety and so on.

I just get all up in arms thinking that people get this idea that people with mental illness actually CHOOSE to be that way. Because I know for a fact that is not true. It's those people that whine about Obama's plan not rewarding hard work and entrepreneurial spirit and all that crap who take for granted their own freedoms. On one hand, I don't blame them, because... who knows? Maybe if I were not severely depressed, I'd be just like them, sitting on my cash from my successful business getting pissed off that Obama's tax plan would cut into my vacation money. (Because isn't the $250,000 supposed to be PROFIT? after all the expenses and such are calculated in?)

But on the other hand, it makes me SICK how people can't even understand that for some people, it takes an entire half a day's effort just to try and get outside to go to the grocery store. And it's not because we just like rolling around in our sloth and filth, it's because we are lacking the energy or the self-worth to even contribute to our own self-preservation. My anger towards the whole tax plan issue is NOT because I think people with small businesses ought to pay for the dregs, but because their attitude is so selfish and narrow-sighted it makes me WISH I could just put them in the shoes of someone who started from the bottom with mental illness to impede their ascent... and see how THEY end up.

I don't even think I'M that bad. I didn't even start at the bottom. I had everything I wanted at my parents' house. But I chose to leave it. I can't even imagine what sort of depraved existence I'd have if I didn't have what little money and support I still have bolstering me while I'm still waiting for the chance at proper health care. I could be one of those stark raving mad people sitting cold in the streets and peeing into gutters.

I AM nearly insane enough to qualify for that, if I were forced to live on the streets. None of you see it, but at least a couple hours each day I'm crying and raving paranoically about how the government is screwing me, that they'll make me wait forever, and what will I do if I don't get my new check card and have no money left to care for myself and so on and so forth. Working myself into some sort of mad frenzy until Jon has to literally shake me into something that resembles reality. Yeah, that's me. Over and over he tells me I should just leave because the situation I've been put into is intolerable and unacceptable for someone like me, so ill that my sanity can hardly take another day's wait. But I can't even GO because I've nowhere to go and I've no energy to care for myself and I KNOW I can't. What do you DO when you know you can't and no one else will help you? You beg. You beg or you die.

I'm just so tired of the attitude that the only people with worth in the world are people who can work and earn money. That attitude is part of what pushed me into the warped sense of reality I have when it comes to myself and my achievements. Why I consistently fail at identifying (until I'm sane enough to take a few steps back and think about it) that I'm the way I am because I'm ill, not because I'm worthless.

Huge tangent, but yeah. I am an Obama supporter. I held off saying anything until days before the election because I'm not much of a politics poster. I should clarify, though, that my reasons for supporting Obama are not because of his tax reform plan, but because of a whole host of other reasons. First of all, his age: young enough to live through a term (barred assassination, and boy, I'd be on the lookout for that, being the first black president.) Second, his attitude: personable, erudite, dignified, promoting a message of unity and change. Third, his overwhelming popularity in foreign countries, at a time when U.S. foreign policy has made the country look very much like an arrogant, ignorant bully. Fourth, his campaign's use of recent technology -- particularly the Internet -- in getting his message out and getting younger people involved. Fifth, his insistence on keeping away from blatantly negative ads and scare tactics all throughout his campaign. Sixth, better choice of vice president as well as endorsement by well-respected politicians and advisors (even Republican ones).

Reasons like that makes me feel more confident that Obama can be a president to lead the country into a new and hopeful era. Yeah, maybe it's too optimistic to say he'll really bring about as much change as he suggests, but that sort of attitude is heartening to see: a man with the charisma, the confidence and the courage to inspire people (both U.S. citizens and international) to believe in the possibility. I'll even say that I don't care if people call him a "socialist", if it's only because Obama likes the idea of building communities towards a shared goal.

Redistributing wealth.. eh. I can see why people who count for Obama's tax increase would feel threatened, but at the core of that plan is that Obama feels that people with more ought not to be selfish with what they have. People just don't like it when their 'generosity' is required by law. I can agree with that, but it's not enough to change my mind.

As for Obama's stance on Iraq: I was never a supporter of the Iraq War. But I don't think not liking the war, or wanting the country to gradually withdraw its involvement, means you're unpatriotic or don't respect the soldiers. For one thing, I respect McCain greatly for his years as a POW; that must've taken a hell of a lot of guts to live through. But I think the war in Iraq, and possibly even this "war on terror" is a losing war draining more and more resources from the country. I think the U.S. just plain bit off more than it could chew thinking it could win against people who've seen guerilla warfare as daily life and necessity for ... generations, likely. There's a point where the fight stopped being worth it (and how much of it was actually justice for 9/11 anyway?) because of all the domestic problems being neglected back home.

I don't think the U.S. should just withdraw without any care for strategy though. I don't think it's that simple. But I don't think Obama's ever said he would pull out of Iraq without a plan to do so gracefully. Of course there's never any guarantee that there won't be mishaps along the way, but he's not just going to order a knee-jerk retreat.

So there you have it. Obama for '08!! My life may be going nowhere after 4 years of waiting, but at least I can hope my home country will not stagnate like I have.

There, now I think I've squeezed enough depressive ranting AND Obama supporting into one post.