Well, I've had a pretty hectic week and sadly, it's not even done yet. So don't expect me around till next week. :/

First of all, there were delays in getting the new apartment ready for us, so we had to wait for a few days for that. (Plumbing and etc.)

Then we finally had the clear to move but the movers weren't ready to go, so we could only bring what would fit into the car.

Except we didn't have a car any more, because apparently my old Saturn didn't pass the final inspection, and they basically told us ON the day we were going to move that my car had to be taken out of circulation.

So now my car's sitting in some junkyard somewhere, or already turned into scrap, after I obsessed for months over whether I'd ever get to see it again, whether it'd still work after sitting in a garage for all that time, and etc.

Needless to say I was very, very upset about that, but what can I do? I'm the Canadian government's bitch, and they took my car from me, on top of taking years and years of my time only for it to be my fault because I chose to stay in their country instead of my home country during my immigration process.

Of course I can't expect them to understand my circumstances -- that I am affected by mental illness that makes it difficult if not impossible for me to work, much less take care of myself. That I cannot go back to my previous home because I believe myself a victim of emotional abuse while I was living there, something I will likely never be able to prove. So I have to accept everything... losing my car, lacking health care when I desperately need therapy and medication, losing my dignity to invasive interrogation methods and the continued need to rely on parents and others for money, and so on... because I have no reason to deserve recompense that anyone who matters will recognize.

I can only hope the government will stay true to their word and give me the few thousand my car was worth, and the items I had left in the car (mostly sentimental things, like the dashboard cover with the buttons I put on it way back from high school). And that I will really be getting my health checkup in the next couple months, and my official ID and all that. I despise having to believe in anything purely by faith, because faith has burned me time and again, but because I am so mentally and emotionally weak, I have no choice.

So anyway, we had to get a rental car which cost... a lot of money I don't have, so I had to use my parents' credit card for it, and for gas. I didn't want to have to use their money but it always seems like that's where I end up. "Hey parents, I am a failure at being an adult so pay for me." I swear, it makes me sick to exist.

And we still don't have phone or internet at the new place. It won't even happen till next week. Meaning... I'll be back by Monday at the earliest, and Friday at the latest. Needless to say, Emberdays on Monday is canceled, though I MAY be able to make a Friday (August 15th) game if people are about then.

Those of you who do read this, let everyone else know, 'cause I won't be on IRC for a while yet. The movers aren't even coming to bring our stuff over until tomorrow (Saturday), so we still have to get everything transferred and set up at our new place.

Besides that, I just plain need rest. I'm emotionally and physically worn out. I've just been having anxiety attacks one after the other, from all the problems with moving, the news of losing my car of what... 11 years? and then the relatively *normal* anxiety of having to get used to moving to a new place around new people I don't know. It's overwhelming, especially in this state, to even think about how I'll have to set up a bank account, apply for college and learn to be more autonomous after I've been a RL hermit for 3 and a half years.

So... all I can promise is that I'll try and be around by the end of next week, Thursday or Friday-ish. But I have no idea whether something ELSE will go wrong with the moving or setting up our internet, either, so if it does, I'll just find internet access in Montreal somewhere and leave another message.

If I don't at least write next week you can assume I'm probably dead, or the very least hospitalized, because I'm not really even sure my mind and body can take all of the stress I'm feeling right now.