I haven't slept in 24 hours

and it really. really. sucks.

I'm tired and I want to go to bed but I've been trying to transfer all my files and get used to Windows Vista and it's been really. REALLY. slow.

I've had to transfer files from hard drive to hard drive for the whole day.

Then there's the learning curve as I have to wade through undoing as much as I can of the increased dumbing-down that Vista tries to do (god, why do they try to make PCs more like Macs, NO NO NO!) that seems *less* intuitive rather than more. I don't even *get* why Application Data is split into Local, LocalLow and Roaming. WTF?

I'd be getting more angry except I'm so tired I'm beyond anger.

(Oh, but one bit of good/fun news: my machine is named "Saboteur", a homage to Seventeen, of course. *hearts*)

I'm probably going to nap soon. but I know I will be up in about 5-6 hours worrying about this or that and coming online to talk to people and arrange things for Soul Collectors and maybe RP with Nekira and I am probably not going to have ANY fun with it. I give and give and I think sometimes that is all I know. To give myself until I no longer exist in the process but am just a piece of meat to be used.

Seriously... I have this little urge in me telling me right now to just stay up and not sleep out of some sort of self-punishing spite.

I am so messed up, wtf happened to me?

I want to make a better post about my birthday (which was actually great but trying to get the computer ready has taken ALL MY ENERGY) but I'll have to do it later. I'll talk about the hotel I stayed at and the nice restaurant and the movie we watched and all that. But my god it was like... such a short vacation. I can't let myself rest... why? I don't know why... I know I'm headed towards a crash very soon and it is probably going to be very, very bad. maybe I am depressed because Cat is depressed. we're in sync lately. :P

Oh and re: Soul Collectors, I have two new players, one made an Eclipse pirate/diplomat/gunner who seems pretty fun and interesting, a solid concept. The other seems like a notorious twink making up a guy with some sort of blinged artifact with Abyssal mirror charms (Solar equivelants of Crypt Bolt and... ah, what's that Performance one, anyway, he is twinking energy attacks for all they're worth. *sigh*) The player is nice though. but I'm not sure I can handle the twink. I'll probably end up hating SC because of it. why couldn't I have just gotten all players who want to do normal stuff? :/

technically he's written his background to show that he's significantly holding back his true strength... so it could be okay. Maybe. I'm totally scared about it though, because, well, I SUCK. And also I still have some bad, bad memories of running combat for Bastian in B&B... x.x

Anyway I really should try to sleep... I'm shaking and my head is fuzzy and my eyes hurt... ughg....