Nightmare again. :/ B&B tonight was ok.

I slept terribly last night. Well, really felt more like last afternoon. x.x I really shouldn't try sleeping twice in a day, but I just couldn't get back to sleep, like I said.

So I tried to nap again for a little while before B&B started. I ended up having nightmares again, and waking up so groggy and disoriented to the alarm clock that I just had to sleep some more. The nightmares weren't as freakshow weird as the teeth falling out one, though. It was a different sort of frightening, more of the anxiety/guilt sort.

I only remember a bit of it now. The gist of it was that I'd for some reason broken up with Jon and ended up in a relationship with Kraken. Except... he never really appeared in my dream. I mean, how can he, I've never seen him in RL! So instead he was on some vacation, and meanwhile these two brothers (who oddly looked like those friends of Charles' we went to the Katatonia/Moonspell concert with) were flirting with me in a major way. And I was responding to it... it was like I was out of control of my own sense of morality, like I'd become addicted to cheating. Or maybe not so much cheating but the thrill of being attractive to other men, because it fills some need in me to be wanted.

Anyway, it was weird and disturbing that I would so easily give up one commitment for another in my dreams. Twice, even. o.O The guys in my dream were very persuasive, too. I don't just mean they were smooth talking hot guys or something... as far as I could tell, they were good hearted, genuinely caring guys, interested in me and my well-being. I kept trying to tell myself not to fall for it, but they just managed to appeal to the part of me that needed their comfort and reassurance, so I was all conflicted and guilty... I mean, it's one thing that I broke up with my husband, but then there I was about to cheat on the guy I broke up with my husband for. Crazy. o.O

Waking up from that was very odd and traumatic. I woke up with Jon looking down at me and I started crying because I thought I was somehow betraying everything I loved and believed in and then there he was! My husband! Still there and loving me and watching over me like always. I felt really guilty, though, just for having a dream like that. So I told him about it, or tried to, 'cause I had to get up and run a game and could hardly figure out what was up or down at the time. I'm glad I decided to go back to bed. >.> I was still terribly tired when I woke up the second time, too, because when I went to bed I hardly even slept, I just kept talking at Jon and then I only had an hour or so to actually SLEEP (and only that much cause I told Jon to cover for me in the beginning of the scene).

Thinking on it, the nightmare probably came from me being really sleepy plus writing that last entry before bed about loyalty in love. And also thinking about a certain scene I need to finish up soon, particularly conversations with Jon that have stemmed from it.

I guess the game tonight went ok at least. Though it felt all cumbersome and longwinded as usual, from my point of view. I never think anything good about B&B any more. :P

Oh wait, Navi! Navi is awesome. :D Playing Navi makes me happy. She's like... candy. :D All small and bitesized and sweet and awesome! It probably helps that I based her personality partially on Papillon from La Pucelle. :D From there it was really easy to come up with a unique personality for her that's really stuck ever since. I like that I don't really need to explain how she does her "tricks" either... like, I don't specify what her quill and scroll are, how she can transform them into different items and stuff, where she gets her different outfits from and stuff. (Right now she's dressed all northern barbarian warrior chick-ish. With glasses! :D The mix makes me giggle.)

If I can be given more NPCs to play that make me happy, all the better. Oh, I get to play a bunch of demons for Skadi! That should be interesting. I hope Selina will like what I come up with. o.o Really, I can't think of it much until she comes up with what demons she'll summon. I like playing lots of sorts, and with things like demons and fae I can take certain liberties which make it even MORE fun.

Mmm, Aeryn and Skadi are headed off to the West now, though! Or soon! There will be minis along the way. And stuff. Aeryn should talk to Genjimaru, Aeryn and Skadi talk too, Skadi does summonings and Aeryn gets to introduce her ship. Fun stuff... or so I hope. ;.;