A post before I sleep: RP and gaming ramble.

About to get some sleep, or try to, but before that thought I should give an account of my day, as my habit often is.

Today (as mentioned previously) was Wardragon40K, which was generally quite fun! We actually arranged to start at the normal time, 1 pm EST, but Grey woke up late ^^; (And he's the ST!) Still, we got a good amount of play in, finally finishing off the big battle and getting to some RP with the group. Well, at least most of us were interested in having our chars interact. >.> J had his just fly off and brood somewhere, which I found kind of... odd.

There was a weird period where my cable connection's DNS server died on us, right in the middle of the game (and just when the chara interaction was starting after battle! ;.;) Fortunately it only lasted several minutes, but I was a little bit irritated for a while there. Eni figured out it was DNS and sent me the IP of Selina's server so I could log back into the WD40K room that way meanwhile.

I'm looking forward to more RP... Archana and Deirdre already have some good interaction going, and Seventeen too I think, though to a somewhat lesser degree. The others were kinda stuck in their own responsibilities (Sky had aerial duty and Zalia was up on the wall with all the archers). But that should change! I can't wait till Archana and Seventeen can talk more :D :D and everyone can get to know each other better without the spectre of war hanging over them. There's also the matter of deciding where to go afterward, or whether to leave the fortress at all; Archana would rather wait a few days, herself, and leave after the pass is secured and hopefully they can get a hold of someone from the Deliberative.

Grey's been pretty tight-lipped about what's waiting for us beyond the fortress, though, now that the war against the undead is more or less over. Should be interesting to find out what, exactly, it is! :O

During and after WD40K, I was also sitting around playing Ragnarok Online on AnimaRO. I've been stumped a few days because of the crappy directions for the Mage class quest. (My god, RO has the most HORRIBLE English ever. WHY didn't they get a spelling and grammar checker? Damn Koreans... sorry, I'm not racist, but I think that if you're going to use a particular language for a game you should try to write it properly. =_=) I finally just had Jon help me out by looking up FAQs and maps and things, so I could find ALL the ingredients to make the solution that was my test to join the Mages. It still took a lot of running around, too, but I got it! =_= So Dark Siren Sally (my first RO char's name, unsurprisingly) is now a mage.

Jon and I ran around training in RO for a little while once he got the Swordman class for his char (Sanguine Raven). We didn't get much in, though, before Clark contacted us about wanting to play some PSU. We've been doing just that from then until now, pretty much, pausing in between for a while when I wanted to rest my eyes and chat with people a while. Reina got to level 40 now! :D and I'm still training her Twin Dark skill like crazy. Got it to level 8 now, must get higher still! She's getting mighty close to Fighgunner 3, also... class levels take a long, long time, but I think 3 more Holy Grounds runs and she'll make it!

Oh yeah, I got Selina's sheet for Valeriya earlier today (yesterday). Yay! It's nicely done I think, she really put a lot of thought and work into it and that makes me happy. Now I can only hope I can do justice to the creation. :/ I'm always so afraid I'll do things badly... I guess I fear it a lil more with Selina because I don't want to disappoint her. Jon is hard to disappoint, Lumi's new enough to the setting that she'll be mostly oblivious to my errors, and Kraken is forgiving enough that I know he'd just tell me nicely if he disagreed on something I portrayed in the game. I suppose it's a good sign that he's never told me I've portrayed anything in the Realm inaccurately! n.n

Selina just knows the Realm better than most, I think, and I'll be fiddling with aspects of it I'm not sure she'll enjoy... either that or I worry I'll have played it up too much only for it to disappoint. x.x I'm particularly paranoid about whether the stuff I've come up with with the assassination, investigation and relation to political trends will seem totally cheesy or contrived. Okay fine, I worried about that even BEFORE Selina came in, but I guess I expect her to be more critical, since she studies history and political science, and enjoys novels heavy with political plotting and stuff. So it's a higher standard to live up to, I think.

Also, I'm starting to think about how bad an ST I am again, mostly because it was brought up in #DanceOfAngels that B&B is not running again any time soon. I mean, who am I fooling... it probably will never run. I know that if I run it I'll just be doing it to prove something rather than because I'm enjoying it. And that's sad, because I had a LOT planned for B&B that I just don't know I can deliver. *sigh* A shame. :/ I think I could still run with Kraken and Manu, but I'd have to get myself up and in the mood for it first, and besides... no one's really clamoring to play. *shrugs* Okay I admit, Kraken is probably resisting to clamor because he knows how much B&B stressed me out.

But eh... I'm not sure I'm expecting B&B to get anywhere... I don't even know if Eni will still want to play Aeryn any more. *shrugs* It probably would just make her too uncomfortable, at this point. So it's probably too late for that. I don't know. B&B was beset with so many bad coincidences, and coupled with my terrible self-esteem, it's been one of those things in my life that caused me to doubt myself the most. Still, I really, really hate having to look back at B&B and know it's a failure. I hate feeling like there's people who run games that are TONS more creative and less tedious than mine, not because I'm jealous, but becuase I KNOW I could do better if my insecurities didn't hold me back.

It's SUCH a pain being so damned self-critical all the time. If I could convince myself to NOT feel so paranoid what people think, it'd make SO many things in my life easier, RP the least of all.

Okay, sleepy time now. Gotta wake up early enough to look over my Emberdays notes, so better catch as much sleep as I can! (Hopefully sleep that doesn't involve bad dreams. I had SUCH a hard time getting to sleep last night because of that... I kept getting woken up over and over by these short nightmares my brain was concocting out of my anxiety about various issues concerning my life, friends, low self-esteem and lack of motivation lately. *sigh* What I'd give for a few nights of uninterrupted sleep.)