EMO, RP stuff, and a bonus: HAWT FFXII GUYS!

Today was... okay, and bad. At one point EMO bad. Basically, a couple days back I did something stupid, and got found out though I tried not to be, and it ended up somehow blowing all out of proportion with people paranoid and stuff. ARGH. Well, I learned my lessons and I explained to people what was up, so now it's better.

I feel like I am a bad friend to people sometimes. It really makes me sad to think I might have hurt or insulted someone I care about, even unintentionally. It's actually a quite dangerous feeling. People react to shame in different ways; mine comes out as a desire to withdraw from people and find some sort of twisted "relief" by debasing myself. Some way to show, in writing or in thought, that yes, I feel guilty -- I feel lower than dirt, and I'll show you exactly how low that goes.

I'm glad that today I was able to avoid doing that (except for a short stint) and talk to people about it instead. I got some help in that, you know who you are. ^^ Now I can rest easier tonight, so that's good! That whole incident took up a lot of the day, though. I'd intended to work on a bunch of things that I'm not sure I'll get ANYTHING done with now. Actually, my original plan with Jon was supposed to be:

1) Grandquest while working on character stuff on the side.
2) Play some FFXII (must... reach... Bur-Omisace!)
3) Try out playing PSU with our new PC control pads.

But Grandquest, sadly, ended up tainted at the end by my bad mood in the last hour or so. Blech. :( I'm sorry, Kraken. I usually love playing GQ and Jadira! I did try to carry the game at least somewhat, along with Jon... we *gasp* got one of the Quest items! Our... third. Out of 25. x.x But hey, it's something. Lasuri had to give up a memory for it... there was a surprise involved in that but it looks like it will have to wait until next week.

After GQ was trying to deal with things and talk to people. And then... Musa poked me on AIM! I'd told him I wanted to watch his RP group, and it happened to be tonight that they're playing a BESM game. So I went and popped over there and watched that group play while still dealing with some fallout. They're such a fun group... it's so refreshing seeing games on IRC with short posts like that and just... people having fun. No pressure, no drama, just good ol' anime-ish FUN. I'd like to play a game like that... sometimes games I play/run are more stressful than fun and that really sucks. :/

Looks like I'll be popping onto that IRC chan every now and then. Will be cool to possibly get to know more peoples, and see a different side of online RP. I've pondered poking into the other channels Lumi's on to meet others there too... I mean why not? :D Lumi's awesome! So her friends must be awesome, too.

Muahaha... at least I can end today laughing instead of crying. We're passing around pics on #tower. Hee hee. Lumi nearly made my brain shut down with THIS (reposted here so Kalli can see too): Shiny half nekkid FFXII boys!!!! WOOHOO!

And now I'm about to play some PSU with sis! As mentioned previously, Jon and I bought PC control pads to play PSU with on our Tuesday outing. So we've gotta set those up before we play. <3 Oh yeah, I also bought some winter stuff on sale... a multicolored woolen scarf (all bold colors I like a lot), another brown and tan striped one, a cream colored hat and gloves to go with the double button sweater I bought a while ago, and a turquoise colored undershirt -- not gaudy, but a nice muted shade. I guess I was tired of all my winter hats and scarves being black or greyish in color so I went and got others!

Mmmr, still got one more thing I wanted to post on a new entry, so I'm either gonna hurry and do it quick, or wait until later... maybe later. Wanna play, and gotta reboot to do that, too. :O