Inglourious Basterds was... an awesome, awesome movie. The only problem was that it also triggered my anxiety a lot (I mean what's not anxiety-inducing about Jew hunts in Nazi-occupied France, eeeeeeek *shivers*) I wish I could have turned off my anxiety reflexes cause if not for that, and the really annoyingly noisy couple on my left side, I would have enjoyed the experience thoroughly.

While the movie handled really grim and violent topics it didn't take itself too incredibly seriously. I guess dark humor is the right name for it. Though I didn't really feel the movie did a disservice to the terrors of the Holocaust (in fact the end, or near end of the movie could even be considered cathartic for that!) Of course I don't have family who suffered through it so I wouldn't be the one to truly judge.

Brad Pitt's character was a great deal of comic relief (I think that accent had to be bad on purpose) but his character isn't even the main focus for most of the movie itself. Well he's a big name actor, so it makes sense his face gets plastered on all the ads and reviews though!

The one part of Inglourious Basterds I'm unsure about (minor spoily?) was around when Hans Landa (who plays a very chilling "Jew Hunter" yet appears outwardly, even unnervingly friendly, enjoying simple luxuries) makes a decision that seems to come out of nowhere. It's one of those "y'know, he's otherwise incredibly smart, why did he go and do something like that?" moments. On the other hand, because of all the campiness, it didn't seem quite as weird as it would otherwise have been.

Anxiety aside, the movie really was fun all around. And will be easier for me to watch again since I know what happens now. :P

Now for an unrelated topic (well, possibly related to my anxiety though)... I wish I had some way of knowing how to deal with a person who may think badly of me but will probably never openly admit it. That way it's hard to know where a person stands, and it's almost impossible to call them out for something you suspect because they will try very hard to appear like it's not true. At least if it's something they just plain don't want revealed, whether due to guilt, insecurity or just plain satisfaction at watching me squirm.

Paranoia and insecurity are my worst enemy in all this though, yet unfortunately all too common with me. The paranoia means that there's a chance I may just be imagining people are having negative thoughts at all. The insecurity means that even the possibility that people are talking behind my back, or thinking bad things about me, will sicken and terrify me until I can either 1) confirm the thoughts or not, or 2) put enough distance between myself and the possible source that it no longer is an issue.

2 was the option I had to go with when I got those hate mails a couple years back, for example, and I remember being incredibly traumatized about that for weeks. I find it extremely jarring to know people may well dislike or ridicule me or my actions, but not know exactly who, why or what can be done about it. I wish I could do something to either confirm or banish my fears, because I would prefer the confirmation (which would still hurt at first, but at least I'd have certainty) over this nebulous confusion, this shapeless, formless threat. The latter makes me feel unsafe, unclean. It keeps me from sleeping at night. It drives me to distraction and makes otherwise everyday activities filled with stress and anguish.

I'm in my own personal hell right now. It's likely my own fault and there's nothing I can do about it. (I'm even afraid this post may be read by the wrong people. But I can't do anything about that except erase the post, and by now it may already be too late.)