Hiatus

I make characters like Ziziri: a cannibalistic Full Moon Lunar with a hyena totem, my entry for a barbarian game I may or may not get accepted for. She's even more of a violent catharsis than Huntress, who turned out to be fairly well-spoken and subtle (well, she IS a Day Caste), while Zizi truly relishes and *thirsts* for killing. I'm amused this Lunar could end up more evil than any of my Abyssals. :P

Nekira, if you're reading this, I'm really sorry x.x but I need more time alone. :( Forum games are just less... 'direct' communication for me, so I feel safer with them in my current state of mind. Next week, though, I'll definitely contact you. With many, many apologies.

Speaking of forums... I'm still open for more character applications for Outcastes on the Open Sea. More high quality RTJs would make me happy. For those of you new to RPoL, don't shy from commenting on this entry (well, could email too but I'm not really checking my email lately *sigh*) or clicking the "Request Access" link on the game page and sending me a PM that way.

Sanity low, hopelessness high...

I am going to take the next week to try and figure out my fate. Basically going to try and start the college app process despite the massive setbacks I'm still facing (no working phone number, no bank account, no health card and etc.) so I can at least have something I can feel is progression in life.

I may also be
- working on dice roller; with some suggestions from Kraken I am taking a slightly different and hopefully easier approach. But it also requires some AJAX... ewww. (And why does the name 'AJAX' even exist? I mean, AJAX = DHTML, pretty much.)
- putting up Paypal donation button. Money is needed. :(
- considering buying webspace based in Canada and actually starting up a low-pay web hosting service.
- playing Atlantica (Aemris @ Macedon server) and RPoL games when taking a break from work/responsibilities.

Something happened earlier that put me in a bad mood.

I hurt my head, too. It was during an argument. My ear was getting better but now my head has a bump.

encrypted entry (PalCrypt) here

I may or may not make a habit of encrypting entries. This one is not hard at all to crack. Mostly I just didn't want the text to end up on search engines and/or be read casually. *shrug*

Anyway, tomorrow... er. Later today I'm supposed to go to the doctor to get that examination I mentioned in another entry. (Part of the process of getting my health card.)

because of recent events my emotional state took another hit and I may have to withdraw for a couple more days. sorry.

it's 5 am and I'm awake. Booooo :( I thought I fixed it but I ended up napping earlier today and now I don't want to go to bed. Not really progressing much with getting outside more. It'll be winter before I know it, at this rate. *sigh*

I can talk about all the ways I fail lately but I think I won't.

Um. I made another Exalted (2nd ed) chara but not sure I like her much. And I ended up skipping game on Nekira again which sucks of me (though she said she doesn't mind) :( I'm going to be thrown off again because my doc appointment is actually NEXT Weds, not today, and now next week is starting to look too busy for my liking (grr, double grr).

and I need to not be all hermity and slacktastic but I REALLY CAN'T right now. my life is becoming intolerable every time I think of how I have to keep freaking WAITING for everything and have no confidence my plans will work out in the meantime. *shrug* life sucks.

I was going to wait till I reorganized tags to update to 6.4, but I'm still stuck, so... decided to do it anyway, since it's a security update.

Also, I updated some of my modules, namely CCK (Content Construction Kit, for custom form field types), Date (a CCK add-on that specifically works with dates) and Token (which is used mostly for 'pathauto' which auto-creates URL aliases).

Changing Date took a few hours of work because it seems the way the module handles dates is being altered. Now dates can have a range, without having to create two separate date objects to do it. I didn't want to have to hand-edit all of my existing Event data (which I use for the announcement block) so I just deleted the entirety of them. :O I don't really have any new announcements to put up yet, so I just made some test ones and messed around till I got it right.

Well, that done, I'm still feeling particularly non-social... not having a good day. :( Maybe I'll pop by tomorrow. But I won't guarantee it. Definitely by Thursday though.

First, I want to mention that I may be more scarce today and tomorrow, just need to take a bit of a break from all the gaming. x.x

Sometime earlier (Sunday) I had to go and work on setting up a database for my sis. Thing is, I set up a shell account for her completely outside cpanel, so I had to also remember how to set up MySQL accounts through the command line.

Just so I won't have to look it up again, here's some useful commands.

Baaah, I have this stupid headache again. It's the stabby kind I mentioned on IRC... a week ago? Couple weeks? Now the pain's extended from above my left eye in this arc around my ear to the base of my neck. Man, is it painful -- and distracting. x.x

So I'm going to be resting the next couple days I think, in case I'm getting eyestrain along with my usual stress levels. Probably won't pop up online much till Thurs, though I'm still coming by periodically to check some websites / email. Post something here or email me and I'll get it.

But I'm still gonna go out to get Eni's card! Woo! We'll send it quick so it gets there in time, since it's not going to be a package.

Oh and I just finished an Iyadali post, mwahah. She and Horus got safely into the island village, and now she's totally seducing him, woo! :D Geez, I guess I just can't really resist, assuming both my and Jon's charas are single. (But I suspect the ST kinda set us up the bomb. Always suspect the ST!)

Erm... well...

Sorry I've been really scarce online, just not much in the mood to be about what with the upcoming move and my mood lately. Honestly, I'm not even sure we'll get everything done that needs doing before Friday. Still a lot left unpacked and I hardly have any motivation to help. *sigh* Jon kept telling me I didn't have to help, and now we only have two days left with too many things still left unpacked. (I've actually been embellishing the truth with some people about just how much we have done, heh.)

I don't even know how we're bringing some of our stuff to Montreal ourselves, when I don't even have my car back or know whether it runs properly!

It's MOSTLY related to Soul Collectors, and my frustration trying to plan for it and then procrastinating horribly.

So I'm throwing in the towel. :P

Not because I dislike Soul Collectors as an idea -- I still love it. And I intend to run it again one day. However, I think I need players with a similar playstyle to me. Players who'll appreciate my descriptiveness, because I prefer writing paragraph(s) long descriptions, actions and interactions than trying to keep up with fast paced oneliners. I want my players to at least *try* to stunt regularly, if not all the time.

I didn't start this thing to have a chat RP. :x And honestly, agonizing over my lack of inspiration was KILLING me. I've been horribly depressed, unmotivated to go outside, eating irregularly, etc. I just... don't want to deal with that any more. Not for a GAME.

I feel very asocial lately. I've hardly even been going outside (again). I should try to walk at some point tonight... maybe... but I might not get to today *sigh* Just completely lacking energy.

I know I'm hitting another depression phase, all the signs are there. Don't feel like doing anything, don't feel like going outside, don't feel like talking to people. For some reason, though, playing DR and poking around in RPoL games (couple posts a day each, really... nothing big) doesn't count to me as talking to people. I guess it's because I can be fully IC in those cases, or at the least relatively anonymous.

The "why" is probably partly overstressing myself and partly just feeling disillusioned. Oddly enough, around when I said I wasn't feeling lonely, I *started* to feel more lonely. I'm not sure how the hell THAT works.