I'm SO worn out lately... Just churning out these recruiting lessons for the White Rose over and over. :x

I've written and tested 6 out of 7. Of course, I won't take all the credit, Samarah has done plenty of work on her part as well. She's writing the scripted versions, I'm writing the notes versions. Sometimes our opinions on how lessons are arranged differ slightly; that means I have to do more writing to arrange it as I see fit.

I have never done so much work for a Dragonrealms organization in my LIFE until now. I bet you COLLEGE will be easier. *smirks* But I love what I'm doing because the Order needs the foundation of the recruiting program. Even if I or Samarah are gone, other people can take what we've written down and do good things with it.

Sure it's just a game. But... it's a GOOD game. And I'm even learning good teamwork, writing and editing skills. So it can't all be bad!

With my next bit of news, though, I've entered a whole new level of DR crazy.

I spent this entire last week slaving over Order of the White Rose documents. Yep that's right! For no pay and no gain, and even MORE insane, for a game!

But I was a bonafide geek for years now, I suppose I can't hide it.

I'm actually only halfway through the work, but made a serious breakthrough finishing the last two documents. So I'm feeling really good right now.

I'm looking at my rpol games and realizing "sheesh, those aren't even hard compared to what I was doing for the Order!" Hah! Yep, the complexity of writing recruit training lessons -- given information that takes some interpretation to write in a coherent manner -- defeats any difficulty I've had with RPoL recently.

Okay, maybe I still hate writing Exalted combat right now. But I think ANY RP post would be a break over all that nitpicking over lesson wording. *wobbles*

Right now though I really just want to rest (and by rest I mean poke at facebook apps and mess with the few RPoL posts I AM committed to doing this week).

I never did finish my Christmas cards and presents. So again postponed to sending them on MONDAY. I hate myself for that, but I had a really poor day trying to write the cards, having my ink run out, losing my temper and tearing one of my good cards up... o.O It was just not a day for finishing my cards. I'm pretty much overworked, and the sad thing is I don't even have a real job. I'm just a RPoL GM.

Why don't I have a job? Because responsibility makes me anxious. See, with GMing I can at least fool myself into thinking it's 'fake' responsibility because there's no money involved and people just play for fun. If I were to try doing the same amount of work but for money, I would freak out and completely freeze up. I'd be unable to produce anything.

It's similar with my webpage stuff. I have maintained my website and server for 10 years. I haven't been the best at it especially lately (what with rpol making me lazy with everything else), but I've done it for no pay, I've kept things afloat, I troubleshoot stuff for my users, or make them new accounts, etc. I do this almost without thinking about it. Sometimes it's hard but I get things done.

There it is, on the left right (WTF dyslexia). Or if you're viewing this through RSS: Donate to darksiren.net

I'm not a person who likes to ask for charity. Do it if you feel it is necessary, otherwise don't. For a long time now I've offered free hosting to my friends and I don't intend this to be a "now you have to pay up!" thing. Just, if you want to (even if you're just a passerby) the option's there.

What I will use donations for...
- pay fees for darksiren.net (both the domain and the VPS)
- potentially, upgrade the VPS, if I receive enough donations to warrant that (that'd be at least $20 a month on top of current fees, or $240 more)
- pushing further, could also be used for me to buy a second server, where I could possibly start up some low-cost web hosting with software installed on demand.

I was going to spend tonight working on Rosalia's sheet, but once again, I was thwarted. :/ Deadlines and weariness aside, friends > RP and I really wanted to be there to talk.

I've seen with my own eyes, and lived with my own experience, how much damage depression can do to a person's life -- and sometimes, the lives of others, too. I understand all too well the self-destructive urge, but I have the wisdom of many years of self-analysis and a husband who just never quit when it comes to making me face the *truth* of my condition. I honestly consider myself lucky that I've had these years to think about myself and what's really wrong with me. Many people with my condition never get that far -- they only continue to blame themselves, and believe that everything that goes wrong in their life is their just desserts.