I have a LOT to post about! Including a couple of long-ish posts I need to finish up and tack on here. n.n

For now, I just want to announce that I sent my new college app today. To be more accurate, Jon has done a lot of helping me through it this time, because I felt so discouraged at one point I really just felt giving up on my dream to finish college. I felt incredibly bad these past couple weeks. It's seriously been a while since I had a depressive episode that dark.

But I'm finally getting SOME forward motion here. Sent the app, and I got word from my lawyer that March 21 is the deadline for my documents and compensation. While I'm taking this with a grain of salt -- I've been given dates before only for them to preclude yet ANOTHER deadline -- he did reassure us that things are going very smoothly.

It's just the waiting that's hard. Having faith that things will work out. I'm a pessimist who has seen a lot of unexpectedly bad things come true. But I'd be lying if I said I ever lost my hope completely. Because if I did, I'd be dead.

I hope that my mood (and in turn my physical health) will continue to rise. I've even stepped outside a couple times, so that's a good sign! *crosses fingers*

I totally slept for 2/3rds of yesterday.

And it was good.

I'm starting to think just getting more sleep and relaxing is really going to kick my writing mojo back into gear. I may be able to hang on to all my games on rpol, even. (Though, just the GMed ones. Have discarded most of the ones I was playing, already.)

Just that one day of rest made my mind SO MUCH CLEARER. Hard to believe how much that helped. I even managed to get my brain started on some cool new Academy events. Hopefully by the 7th or so (January) I should be ready to jump back into my other games as well (particularly the ones that require combat posting. My bane, given that it takes both inspiration AND fiddling with numbers/stats.)

But for now I have over a week of rest to go and I am going to enjoy it. Whee! Actually, we have to run to the grocery store too, to get our turkey for Christmas dinner (yum yum).

I never did finish my Christmas cards and presents. So again postponed to sending them on MONDAY. I hate myself for that, but I had a really poor day trying to write the cards, having my ink run out, losing my temper and tearing one of my good cards up... o.O It was just not a day for finishing my cards. I'm pretty much overworked, and the sad thing is I don't even have a real job. I'm just a RPoL GM.

Why don't I have a job? Because responsibility makes me anxious. See, with GMing I can at least fool myself into thinking it's 'fake' responsibility because there's no money involved and people just play for fun. If I were to try doing the same amount of work but for money, I would freak out and completely freeze up. I'd be unable to produce anything.

It's similar with my webpage stuff. I have maintained my website and server for 10 years. I haven't been the best at it especially lately (what with rpol making me lazy with everything else), but I've done it for no pay, I've kept things afloat, I troubleshoot stuff for my users, or make them new accounts, etc. I do this almost without thinking about it. Sometimes it's hard but I get things done.

I've been working with hostforweb to try and speed up my site. There were some memory errors lately, which I think have been fixed. I'm not sure about whether the speed is better though.

What I really want is a Xen VPS... Unfortunately I don't think hostforweb has those. But I'm also kind of iffy about moving my entire site without testing the server first. I know, I got slicehost for that. But I'm so lazy with it that I think I'll have to cancel and wait until I have more time to think about webstuff. Besides the fact that I'm not really confident moving my site to slicehost, as it feels more appropriate as a testing environment.

Roleplay and writing have been my main time foci lately, beyond worrying about things like reapplying for college (which I may wait till January to do now, as I've been told no one looks at the files anyway until after holidays), and whether I really will get my passport on Nov 25 (it would not surprise me if I'm getting jerked around again, geez). Oh and ordering new wedding bands and planning our little vacation for our 5th annversary (we'll be gone from Dec 17th-21st).

We also made a few purchases lately that have been entertaining and fun.

Disappointment is... getting told I'll legally have my passport back today, only to find out the U.S. Embassy wants 2 more weeks before releasing it.

And why? Not 'cause my lawyer sucks, or even the Canadian immigration being slow, but because the lawyer's only dealing with immigration on the Canadian side. Can't actually put hard caps on what MY country's embassy does (thanks, America).

The date I'll receive it is Nov 20, or so they say. My mind kind of blanks out on these things because I'm always expecting yet another hurdle or loophole or some crap to keep me from getting my identification back. At this point I will have to start pressing the U.S. embassy if they for some reason delay me further than the 2 weeks they said they'll take. x.x

As for my Canadian national health card and permanent residency code and all that, I'm supposed to be receiving it from the government by December 23. The signed legal documents state that if they don't make it by that due date, they'll owe me $500,000.

Half a million is an impressive number, but I honestly believe I should be paid that money REGARDLESS of if they delay or not.