Life

Trying to write out my feelings after moving to Montreal is, again, something I've had a hard time putting in words.

My impressions of the city itself are easy enough. I like it so far... or at least the small part of downtown I live in, 'cause I've not had the opportunity to go very far yet. Hard to do really, what with all the errands we still have left, and a lack of money.

The conveniences here are better than I had in Quebec City. We have a grocery store just a couple blocks away. Few blocks in the opposite direction is a mall and the closest subway station. Within walking distance, there's plenty of other malls and restaurants. Same with my college of choice (it's only one subway stop away, so it's more worth walking it unless the weather truly blows.)

I've been having a hard time figuring out how to write entries lately, for some reason. Like so much has happened, or is in the process of happening, that I just have NO idea where to start, where to end and how to divide it up.

Well, to make it easy for myself I'll open with the easier topic, that is, my return to online life. :O

First thing I did coming back was get back on AIM and IRC, of course. That was on Friday. Immediately had a lot of chatting to do. ^^; I was missed, despite all my usual fears, and that was nice to know, even though for a while there I was thinking about not returning at all.

We finally got 'net set up here today. Sheesh, took a while. The cable guys had to actually drop a wire from the rooftop, drill holes through our walls, and staple the wire along our ceilings. And it took 'em a few days to figure out how.

We don't even have PHONE yet. n.n On the other hand, I did hear from Kalli, today!! Turns out her phone just wasn't working at all where she moved. *sadface* BUT she ended up moving in with her uncle who has net access. :O So it looks like I'll get to see her now and then online when her uncle's girlfriend isn't using her comp. This is very awesome!

I have a lot to write about but I'll have to do it later. Going to take a walk (I've been exercising lately!) Let me tell you, Montreal is such a relief for me... there's stores open till 9 pm or even later over here, every day! It feels more like where I *used* to live, but it's different. It's amazing how truly bilingual it is here, too.

Oh and check out my status. I'm playing FF12 again! GASP! And I finished watching Gundam Seed. I want to watch more Gundam series now. n.n

Well, I've had a pretty hectic week and sadly, it's not even done yet. So don't expect me around till next week. :/

First of all, there were delays in getting the new apartment ready for us, so we had to wait for a few days for that. (Plumbing and etc.)

Then we finally had the clear to move but the movers weren't ready to go, so we could only bring what would fit into the car.

Except we didn't have a car any more, because apparently my old Saturn didn't pass the final inspection, and they basically told us ON the day we were going to move that my car had to be taken out of circulation.

So now my car's sitting in some junkyard somewhere, or already turned into scrap, after I obsessed for months over whether I'd ever get to see it again, whether it'd still work after sitting in a garage for all that time, and etc.

Well the move got pushed forward again, but it's a good thing, because we're not even done getting the place clean before heading out.

I feel kind of bad, because I told everyone I'd be moving today, but then plans changed. We still have some junk lying around, the walls are dirty, etc. so there's still work to be done. (Edited for clarity :P) But I COULD be around, since Jon is doing most of the heavy work due to me being a worthless loser. I even got on PSU yesterday cause I really, really wanted to try Max Attack G part 2 while we took a break from stuff. Just a couple hours, but still. :/

I feel my life is a waste unless I'm around for people or doing things for people. Maybe people need me around and I'm just flaking out. Like, am I going to come back online at the new place and realize people are upset at me because I could've been around on Fri or part of Sat but I wasn't?

The other thing on my mind right now is about Kalli.

Technically we're moving on August 2nd now, 'cause the landlady said she has emergency things on Friday to deal with. But we really have to stop being lazy and push to do the rest of the packing on the 1st... so I don't plan to be online much if at all.

That said, the past couple days have not been all that great...

Erm... well...

Sorry I've been really scarce online, just not much in the mood to be about what with the upcoming move and my mood lately. Honestly, I'm not even sure we'll get everything done that needs doing before Friday. Still a lot left unpacked and I hardly have any motivation to help. *sigh* Jon kept telling me I didn't have to help, and now we only have two days left with too many things still left unpacked. (I've actually been embellishing the truth with some people about just how much we have done, heh.)

I don't even know how we're bringing some of our stuff to Montreal ourselves, when I don't even have my car back or know whether it runs properly!

Kalli's leaving tomorrow... I guess I've not been very much in the mood to post.

I've been irritable for the past few days. One could say that I have trouble trusting people and thus my first thought is to assume they think ill of me, or think me a burden. I'm very paranoid about that, and enough suspicion on my part can make me just want to disappear.

I feel like I can say little to anyone lately. :/ I've been making an effort to, lately, especially now that I won't be talking Kalli's ear off, but my urge is just to be withdrawn. Maybe it's the big change coming up for me (note: we are indeed moving August 1st.) I have no idea. I know I ought not to discredit my friends -- there are people that truly care about me. But I get paranoid they might change their minds, so I keep a certain distance. Maybe they're just saying x just to be nice, is what my depression says.

So I spend most of my time playing Dragonrealms and Sims 2.

Kalli is moving to a new place starting this weekend, and she won't have internet there. *sniff* At least not for a few months maybe. I will miss her so very much. I cried a lot when she first told me, because we've finally managed to get back in touch and talk regularly, and now we're going to lose that for a while (no RPz or DR either. *sad*)

It's totally the right decision for her to move, though, and I'm both happy and proud she's doing it. Change can be intimidating -- it certainly is for me, after I've become too used to my current surroundings and circumstances -- but change can also be for the better. Both she and I need to become more confident and independent when it comes to real life responsibilities and such. So I hope that our respective moves will help us improve the quality of our lives and allow us to take more control of our future.

After she moves, I'm going to be checking my email every day for word from her (if she can get online somewhere) and posting photos of my new home, maybe even sending her some books as presents while she has no 'net. For now though, I still have a few days of Kalli left :D and so I will hog them! MINE!

I don't know if this is what dying of stress is supposed to feel like.

My chest has this pressure on it and it's hard to breathe. My left arm and leg are numb and the extremities are prickly. It's kind of like I'm having a panic attack but without the feeling of impending doom.

I don't really feel like doing anything right now. I want to lie down or just go catatonic and not care about anything. On the other hand, I can get myself to do small things. Like, I wrote a RPoL post. Probably the only real effort I made today.

I spent part of the afternoon indulging myself...