I have a LOT to post about! Including a couple of long-ish posts I need to finish up and tack on here. n.n

For now, I just want to announce that I sent my new college app today. To be more accurate, Jon has done a lot of helping me through it this time, because I felt so discouraged at one point I really just felt giving up on my dream to finish college. I felt incredibly bad these past couple weeks. It's seriously been a while since I had a depressive episode that dark.

But I'm finally getting SOME forward motion here. Sent the app, and I got word from my lawyer that March 21 is the deadline for my documents and compensation. While I'm taking this with a grain of salt -- I've been given dates before only for them to preclude yet ANOTHER deadline -- he did reassure us that things are going very smoothly.

It's just the waiting that's hard. Having faith that things will work out. I'm a pessimist who has seen a lot of unexpectedly bad things come true. But I'd be lying if I said I ever lost my hope completely. Because if I did, I'd be dead.

I hope that my mood (and in turn my physical health) will continue to rise. I've even stepped outside a couple times, so that's a good sign! *crosses fingers*

Not really true. But I've been horrendously busy/distracted.

Earlier this week there was this whole fiasco with my brother-in-law coming to visit with his girlfriend during a time 1) we were TOTALLY not prepared for visitors, 2) I was HORRIBLY busy because I had a lot to do absolutely no time and energy to do it all.

Having the distraction of relative strangers in my home (I didn't know the girl at all, and my brother-in-law and I have the language barrier) completely destroyed any progress I would've had on my work. I was extremely upset about that, and at the idea that we were expected to put up with their presence on short notice because he decided he wanted to leave home on a whim. It wasn't even an emergency or anything so much as just... moving with hardly ANY plan of where to stay and what to do for the next few days.

After all that, my RPoL posting was pretty much thrown off COMPLETELY as well, as I couldn't get the energy to do that, either. I just kept getting more and more behind, more and more exhausted. Even doing work for the Order of the White Rose in DR was more wearing than I would have liked. :(

I totally slept for 2/3rds of yesterday.

And it was good.

I'm starting to think just getting more sleep and relaxing is really going to kick my writing mojo back into gear. I may be able to hang on to all my games on rpol, even. (Though, just the GMed ones. Have discarded most of the ones I was playing, already.)

Just that one day of rest made my mind SO MUCH CLEARER. Hard to believe how much that helped. I even managed to get my brain started on some cool new Academy events. Hopefully by the 7th or so (January) I should be ready to jump back into my other games as well (particularly the ones that require combat posting. My bane, given that it takes both inspiration AND fiddling with numbers/stats.)

But for now I have over a week of rest to go and I am going to enjoy it. Whee! Actually, we have to run to the grocery store too, to get our turkey for Christmas dinner (yum yum).

I never did finish my Christmas cards and presents. So again postponed to sending them on MONDAY. I hate myself for that, but I had a really poor day trying to write the cards, having my ink run out, losing my temper and tearing one of my good cards up... o.O It was just not a day for finishing my cards. I'm pretty much overworked, and the sad thing is I don't even have a real job. I'm just a RPoL GM.

Why don't I have a job? Because responsibility makes me anxious. See, with GMing I can at least fool myself into thinking it's 'fake' responsibility because there's no money involved and people just play for fun. If I were to try doing the same amount of work but for money, I would freak out and completely freeze up. I'd be unable to produce anything.

It's similar with my webpage stuff. I have maintained my website and server for 10 years. I haven't been the best at it especially lately (what with rpol making me lazy with everything else), but I've done it for no pay, I've kept things afloat, I troubleshoot stuff for my users, or make them new accounts, etc. I do this almost without thinking about it. Sometimes it's hard but I get things done.

Well we couldn't really go out today due to lack of money (well, sorta... we were waiting for Jon's money to come in but it hadn't yet) and also the fact that it's incredibly cold out today. :( On top of that, I have been sleeping totally screwed up hours lately and can't seem to fix that.

We are going to formally celebrate sometime early January though... already booked the hotel and stuff. I'll stick an announcement up about that later! Jon and I are going to spend some alone time with each other then. <3

I am terrible at multitasking... It makes me slow at everything. When I was doing RPoL, DR, chatting to Kalli and others on AIM, AND poking at my facebook account, that was pretty crazy. o.O It's especially made me incredibly slow in RPoL, which means I will have to be stricter with myself. Stay off IMs and script DR while writing... play DR fully while chatting... write RPoL and chat a bit, maybe. And etc.

I think my limit is 2 ;) Should remember that when I'm back in college again!