Music

(Named thus because I was writing this while listening to Diamanda's Guilty Guilty Guilty.)

I didn't like the Emberdays session this time. I have to confess it was really hard for me to run. I just don't have much confidence in it, I guess? But I did get it done.

I get frustrated with my anxiety problems though. Seriously, with games, I get all these great ideas that look awesome when I think them up and write them out, but I totally *freak out* when I run stuff. Every time I have to go through a difficult panic attack before or during running a game, or have to force myself into running despite apprehension or weariness, I end up thinking to myself: why am I even doing this?

The answer is simple: because I love creating... I love thinking up stories and building worlds and playing NPCs and bringing people into the worlds I imagine.

But why it has to be such a drain... well that's a different thing altogether.

It's a mystery how people behave
How they long for a life as a slave

Jon went and pulled out my Cardigans albums and I've been listening to them lately. It interests me how that band started out being known for these rather sugary-pop songs (at least in the U.S., where I first heard them) and ended up producing such darkly beautiful love songs. Like "Paralyzed" on Gran Turismo, "Please Sister" on Long Gone Before Daylight (which Kraken says is his favorite song. I don't blame him!) and "And Then You Kissed Me" parts I and II (the first on Long Gone, the second on Super Extra Gravity, which I just finished listening to.)

Okay, Wednesday is officially my "I am not playing any RP" day this week. Nothing. I've already dropped one game and I have another one in mind to do the same with soon. I'm not going to deal with it till Thurs though.

Just trying to clean up my free time a bit. Even though it makes me look like a total flake, or a bad RPer, or whatever, it's better I admit early that I want out than to keep on with it for weeks and weeks. Sometimes I just go through these periods where I'm bored, or lonely, or whatever, and end up joining every RP I find, then realize "hey wait. I didn't keep my limits in mind." Got to curb my impulsiveness. :/

The only other thing I want to post at the moment is this: Jon's Wardragon 40k music! He composed a song playing live synths, basically a theme song for the game and for the Unity, the flagship of the Unified Forces of Creation.

I'm really proud of it, and of my husband. :D

I have all four volumes of Thrice's Alchemy Index now! I went and bought them yesterday with Jon, when we went out to the mall. I didn't end up finding anything for Kraken's birthday, though... the only things I could think of weren't in stores. So I'll probably end up ordering through Amazon, like he did for me. ^^ (I bought a card to mail him on Monday though! Yay!)

I'd hoped to buy some clothes, but I don't have much money to spare just yet. ;.; I did end up buying another album though -- the new Goldfrapp, Seventh Tree. I'm happy, because for this album Goldfrapp isn't focusing on the usual synth-pop / dance music that they've been doing with Black Cherry and Supernature. I actually got into Goldfrapp in the first place with Felt Mountain, which has less of the highly inorganic, manufactured sound (and is also darker in tone, I'd say, though Goldfrapp is always rather dark and abstract in lyrical theme).

But here's my impressions so far of the new Thrice!

I got my limited edition boxed set of Portishead's new album, Third, yesterday.

My god, it's *gorgeous*. I mean... it's everything I was hoping it'd be and yet it's surprised me a lot. I mean, it's Portishead, without a doubt. The whole album has their mark on it. But it's got a different feel to it from their previous two albums. I think it's particularly the percussionist(s?) they started using, it gives something of a primal feel to the songs. Yet it's still electronic, primarily, or at least acoustic put through electronic filters.

So it's this mix of primal and modern... timeless, somehow, and with Beth Gibbons' haunting vocals floating over it all. It's just... beautiful. I mean, this is THE album of the year for me. I waited 11 years to hear what Barrows, Utley and Gibbons could come up with musically and creatively, and I am NOT disappointed.

I've been playing this album... over... and oooover... on repeat. Going to learn every one of the vocals if I can!

You know, the Diamanda Galas mailing list is starting to irritate me. I'm getting that taste in my mouth like I got when I was on the Samurai History ML. (And let me tell you, I despised it there after a while. Historian-elitists using the ML as sport to make ignorant people look bad. *shudder*)

It's mostly because since Guilty Guilty Guilty came out there's been this progression of: 1) people gushing about the album being awesome, 2) people complaining about little nitpicks of the album (like the siren in "Heaven Have Mercy" and "I don't like her singing Piaf" and "why didn't she remove the crowd from the recording?"), 3) people calling the Diamanda admirerers brainless because they don't seem to have anything "critical" to say about her album/performances.

Oh god do I hate elitists in music. I REALLY DO HATE 'EM!

Why am I up?! well, at least partially because I'm waiting on email from HostForWeb, they're adding a reverse DNS record for my server's hostname, since it kept resolving (in certain apps) as 'unknown.hostforweb.net'. I am kinda DNS-dumb so I ended up asking the techs to do it for me. ^^;

Ah, and I got the email just now. Working with HFW has been painless more often than not for me, so I'm always glad to see their customer service continues to be swift.

Meanwhile I was helping my sis test her shell and FTP accounts (they work fine! woo!) and poking around at Anonymous / Scientology protest videos. It's interesting seeing how many people have gathered together at those protests, and the dedication of Anonymous to continue them. Who knows who will come out on top.

One of the videos I saw had this awesome song called "Heavyweight" by Infected Mushroom, an Israeli trance band. This song is 8 minutes of pure awesome to my ears. I want to hear more. I have my eye on their new album now. ;.;

I also recently got Diamanda's Guilty Guilty Guilty, more impressions when I'm not so sleepy / busy.

I spent last night getting the webhosting space and setting up my sekrit project. Man... it made me wish Drupal had better theming capabilities, cause wow... I am really pleased with the layout of that site. I shouldn't be waving around "loooooky i have a secret project!" when no one will even see it, but it still excites me 'cause I'm satisfied with the work, and I LOVE working on webstuff.

Speaking of not so secret projects, I am beginning to be tempted by making money through a reseller hosting account... like, not a LOT of money, but more like an experiment. I mean, nowadays reseller accounts start as low as $6/mo. I could get something pretty decent at $10/mo. All I'd really want is to see what I can do with it -- whether I can come up with a concept for low-cost (I'm talking, like, $2-3 a month) web accounts, likely paid through Paypal, that would at the *least* repay the cost of the reseller account -- and if more, it could even pay for my DR / PSU accounts, and my darksiren.net account. That would be sweet. :O

Oooh, but even BETTER news: I ordered my new computer! Finally!!

Games:
- Mana Khemia (PS2)
- Baroque (PS2)
- The World Ends With You (DS)

Music:
- Diamanda Galas, Guilty Guilty Guilty
- Portishead, Third (Ltd. Edition Boxed Set)
- Thrice, The Alchemy Index Vols I & II

Any cash I get will contribute to my computer upgrade, which *hopefully* I will be able to pay. Apparently my inlaws want to help with it, too, since they didn't know what else to give me for my birthday. Well, that works. I need all the money I can get! n.n

Also, I MAY get a Hosting Matters account as a treat to myself. Most likely the B500 package, which is $8 a month or $24 quarterly.

Details on the games/music/other stuff:

It's about 7 am, and I know I should have gotten to sleep like... 3 hours ago. I was in bed for almost that long, though. Usually I'm talking to Jon, or we're playing games on PSP or DS in bed, or other bed-related things.

But eventually it gets to the point Jon is getting sleepy, but I'm not. I know that eventually I'll be left with my own thoughts when he goes to bed.

Sometimes he rubs my back, and it helps me get to sleep. Other times, like now... I just don't sleep. I get back out of bed. Usually I end up poking around on the 'net or writing a journal entry. That's why a lot of my most thoughtful and revealing entries tend to be in the early morning.

I wish I could just go to sleep, though. But there's just too much in my head to think about. Here's some of it (note: the TMI part is towards the end.)