Finished up the Drupal site... This is now the old dated version of my journal and stuff. :O You'll find current entries and a new layout at darksiren.net!

Also, assuming I can even manage to do it (my move to Drupal was inspired by the fact the darksiren.net server move messed up my Geeklog functions ;.;), I'll be closing down all the functions here, so you won't be able to log in, comment and what not. Be redundant to have that on the old journal/site still, when it's just here for the sake of posterity and archiving.

So go ahead, move on to the new site! (Sadly, you'll have to make a new account to post comments. Shouldn't be too painless, though! Erm, I mean... painFUL. Damnit, Eni caught my typo. ^^;;;;)

Hope to see you there. ^_^

Web Updates by Dark Siren Sally
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Okay, just to let everyone know (especially those of you with darksiren.net accounts): darksiren.net is changing servers on the 4th, so I'd recommend not doing any major updating during that day, or even the days before it. Also, it'll no doubt lead to some downtime for this site and all others hosted on it, so that should explain if nothing on darksiren.net loads during the weekend.

Hopefully it will be all dealt with shortly, and without any data loss because the thought of backing up 600+ megabytes (which, yes, is how much data is on darksiren.net right now) on dialup frightens me. :P Doesn't stop you from doing your own backups, though, if you'd prefer!

I'll be keeping touch with the techs anyways, so if you have any questions/problems just address them to me. IRC, IMs, or email (webmistress at darksiren dot net) works fine.

Web Updates by Dark Siren Sally
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The more I think about it, the more therapy looks like a good idea. I'm at a point where I'm realizing I can't really help myself get better. I tried -- I moved here, I wanted it to be a start of a new life. But the same depression and anxiety problems that plagued me at my parents' place are still here. Sure, I don't have my dad here to exacerbate things, but I'm still not getting anywhere either. Lately, I could even say I've taken a turn for the worse. It's really hard going out and being seen by people, and I'm even having trouble STing my games. x.x

(Speaking of STing, we just finished the first half of the B&B West battle. I have to prep for Aeryn/Skadi now and I'm so nervous. ;.; I had one big anxiety episode during today's session when I was trying to decide whether I'd retroactively use a charm I forgot to use. I decided I wouldn't because it'd be unfair, but felt stupid for the hole in the character's defenses. I really HATE when my weird issues slow down games, it's embarrassing.)

Acknowledging I need the help is still progress, at least. I can only hope a therapist will be able to help set me on the right direction to improve my quality of life. It's really wearying having depression. :/ It's even more wearying when I know that most people don't really understand what it's all about. Having lived with it for this long, I can really understand why it's been called "the silent disease" -- few people want to talk about it, least of all those of us affected by it, because we're afraid of how people will react. What a depressed person wants most of all is to at least APPEAR normal, so saying "I have clinical depression" is a no-no. [more]

Musings by Dark Siren Sally
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Ragh I just woke up and I'm sleeeeeeeeepy. Anyway it seems we have net back. Sloooow dialup net, but hey, it's there. I think next week we will try for getting broadband, but honestly, I'm not sure... I really, REALLY hate being disconnected for any length of time, and everything seems so inept here that I'm afraid trying to get broadband again will just knock us offline for days. Again.

I've got things to do online. Emberdays hasn't run in weeks. B&B needs to go too, and I'd be surprised if there's nothing for me in ADoA by now, so I just can't afford to be offline. I don't know what to do. :( Maybe I should convince Jon to get a more expensive broadband service but apparently, cost doesn't really mean much (I mean, Bell fucked us up and they're the biggest phone company around here).

Bleh, anyway. Halloween was yesterday. Not that you need me to tell you that. :P [more]

Daily Post by Dark Siren Sally
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Not sure why either. It happened on Friday, so we haven't been able to call tech support, since they're closed on the weekend. Instead of just waiting for that we're going to see about getting our DSL set up this week. Hopefully it goes without a hitch because I intend to be back by Thursday at the latest. I have two B&B scenes planned and I HATE very much missing them.

On the other hand, it looks like Emberdays is not very likely to run, since we definitely won't be connected by tomorrow. We'll do our very best to be around for Grandquest, but I really am mistrusting of internet and phone line stuff around here because of how much we've been screwed over. In fact I just told Jon right now that we should probably try to get the dialup fixed anyway just in case, so we have a backup if we don't get broadband by Thursday. (Edit: we ended up deciding to do the broadband when we're sure we have the dialup back. So I can at least be certain to make it to the things I planned I'd do.)

I really, really will be upset if I don't make it for B&B. I hate when I have to delay further on a game that's been ridiculously delayed for months. It's different if it's cause a player is sick or some other family emergency, but just because of internet connection troubles? GAH. Makes me want to give up on gaming altogether, to be honest. x.x It's pressuring enough for me even without things like this happening.

I'm in a bad mood now >_< I better be back by Thursday! And preferably Wednesday because GQ needs to run. >:O By the way... if you read this and someone asks about me on IRC, would you please pass the news on? I'd come on IRC now but we need to get some other things done online (like the DSL stuff, and getting a cake recipe for Halloween -- Charles' birthday is the same day), and internet time here is kinda expensive. :/ Thanks very much.

P.S. Maybe I will have pics of my gothloli outfit when I go out on Halloween, but it depends on how they turn out and how confident I'm feeling. x.x;

Daily Post by Dark Siren Sally
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My life feels all sorts of pointless sometimes. It pretty much revolves around eating, sleeping, bathing and RPing. Oh and the occasional video game or book (I just finally finished the latter half of Shadow of the Giant which I put off for a while) or gasp, going out places!

Though usually "going out" means us going to the grocery store or wherever to get some mundane thing or another. Except for days like today, since I kinda wanna go to the mall and buy Sims 2: Pets (eeeee!! I should get my new gfx card in a week, too ^__^ no more sims woes after that, it'll be AWESOME!) after we go and pick up my package from the post office. OMG I'm so nervous to get my dress. I hope it fits!! I'm going to be wearing it on Halloween! O.O

(Whoops, got distracted a bit 'cause Jon woke up wondering where I went. He sounds cute when he's looking for me in bed and I'm not there. Aww.)

So anyway, back to the life musings... [more]

Catharsis by Dark Siren Sally
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Emberdays was shitty. I've been in a terrible mood lately and just got really, really stressed over the combat last session. Had a hard time deciding on stuff, this turned into paranoia, and then I had to just... stop running. Just felt so bad about what I was doing, I couldn't stand to write for it or even look at it any more.

That didn't help my mood any, of course. Though at least no one holds it against me. Next week the combat will hopefully finish, anyway. Can't guarantee my mood will be any better, though. There's some things I'm just coming to a realization about lately and it results in me not wanting to come online and be around everyone. It's really nothing personal. The people I like online, I still really like, and I'm sorry I've not been around for them. I just can't stand some of the lies I've had to live with in order to keep doing certain things. I can't stand the fact I feel a certain way about things and can't even say it to anyone. And I can't say it on my journal, either, so I might as well just move to a different topic.

Going to the concert was really exhausting but fun! I was actually nervous at first I wouldn't fit in or whatever, especially since we were going with two guys Charles knew that I'd never met. They were really nice people though, and I think we're gonna see them again tonight which is going to be fun I think! They live many hours away, so we are taking what opportunity we can to hang out.

As for the concert itself, whoa! [more]

Daily Post by Dark Siren Sally
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Well... besides the fact I've got some stuff I want to do tonight, I am not feeling very good. Not so much physically sick, just... I dunno. A feeling of things just weighing down on me I guess. My heart (or something in my chest) feels heavy and I just need to distract myself a bit before I'm clear of it. It's just one of those feelings that leads me to want to withdraw from things a little while. o.o Anyway, it should pass quickly enough... I might be back tomorrow already, or I might be back Wednesday, or somewhere in between. Emberdays is still running though! So you players (you know who you are) be ready for Monday! :O

Jon and I are pondering playing the scene with Sanahra going to talk to Oak, in the meantime. (He actually agreed to RP Oak!!!11 :O I am so ecstatic about that. I really made that character FOR him, or at least in his likeness, to be honest.) Actually RPing it will more interestingly (is that a word?) fill in the blank between Sana leaving in the morning to meet Oak and her arriving at Nosura's in the evening. Like -- how did she know that there was trouble there? Of course Sana will explain it IC, but even cooler if we could actually write up a scene of how it happened.

And maybe I could play more Miral... there's something empowering about playing Miral. She's so petty and bitchy and hateful. It's like... you don't even have to TRY to hate her, or at least be irritated by her, 'cause she is like that by default. Hate hate hate. I think I like that she's annoying, because if she ever were loved, it'd be a big surprise (if not an impossibility). Or maybe I just have an deep down desire to be hated? :D :D :D

Ahh anyway. Maybe later I will play some UO (in which case I might run into Eni or Tia even if I'm not on IRC, heh!) or Metal Saga or good ol' Sims 2 because Sims 2 makes me happy even if my graphics card sucks. Also, I am still working on stuff for Aeryn/Skadi in B&B so by the time I'm back I should have a good idea of what will happen... hopefully without overplanning. o.O; Eni likes my spontenaity. I didn't even know I had any until I ran stuff for her!

Daily Post by Dark Siren Sally
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Metal Saga is fun. I was playing it for several hours after Jon and I went out to get a couple things we forgot at the grocery store. It took some time for me to get the hang of playing, but I'm doing pretty well now!

Last thing I did was take down an outlaw with a 15000G bounty on him. It. Whatever. I've been pondering whether my characters are ready to head West... also, wondering where the cool blonde gun-toting cowgirl is in the game. She is so cool-looking. :D She makes me think of Wyna from Thousand Arms (though I've not actually seen her in game yet). Except Wyna doesn't wield guns. I have this thing for tough blonde chicks, I guess? When I make redhead fighter chars, they tend to be quick fighters, but my blondes are all about raw power. :D

I also got myself a bazooka dog! :D Metal Saga is so weird... the dogs were in this biogenetics lab, kept in these cages that looked a LOT like giant microwaves. Actually, I think they WERE modeled after giant microwaves. WTF, man. Anyway, I got "Bernie", the medical dog. 'Cause ooh, dogs that can heal you so you don't have to take up too many of your precious 64 item slots. Also, re: healing obsession. >.> <.< My two lil' tanks are pretty well upgraded by now, especially since I bought new engines for them. Damnit though, I've been trying to look for an anti-aircraft one and can't find it anywhere.

Not long ago I decided to stop playing Metal Saga and try to sleep, but that didn't last long. I was tossing around and bugging Jon by tickling him and he's sleepy/sick so I thought I should get up instead. Now I'm at the computer, bored out of my mind! It's too early and hardly anyone is up. Or, if they are up, they don't seem talkative, except for Raccoon. ^^; Anyway, probably will only be a couple more hours till I do feel sleepy... I hope.

Obsessiveness by Dark Siren Sally
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Well, at least... I enjoyed myself! And players said they did too, so that helps. Mostly, though, I'm just ecstatic 'cause I actually DIDN'T feel like shit running a B&B scene. That, to me, is an accomplishment!

We're doing combat next week though, so who the hell knows how that'll go. I suck with combat. :O At least it isn't fae combat. God, fae doing creation combat hurts the brain! I made an Abyssal instead and a bunch of undead extras and a nemissary with a warbody and... well, I don't wanna say what the Ghost Siren is but it's probably obvious anyway. So yeah. I probably went overboard, but it was still fun.

Apparently I'm unleashing terror on B&B by letting Eni play an eclipse, but honestly, I could care less. Especially if this group is eventually going to take on the things we want them to. Damn, I gotta start thinking of stuff for Aeryn and Skadi. Hopefully cool stuff. o.o Hopefully stuff that won't lead me to think I wasted weeks of mine and everyone else's time? :O

As for Grey's new char, I am thinking of giving Jon the reins on introducing him, since he's got Sijanese connections. Which means Aeryn/Skadi falls on my shoulders I guess ^^; Perhaps with Jon to help me with some NPCs.

Augh. I have NO IDEA what I will do yet. I think seeing Skadi's sheet will help though... but Selina's gone today so I can't ask about it! wah! ;.; I mean, she has college and a tabletop game in RL today, but she's not even on the 'net. Aww. :x

Writing and RP by Dark Siren Sally
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