Writing

...well, to be honest it's something I've wanted to actually redo for a while. The Caduceus site, I mean.

Here's the main page that I've already shown before, and the actual journal part. The purpose of the journal will be for Jon and I to write in-character things about Ryshy and Alexsei, to help us flesh out how we'll separate them from Exalted's Creation and into Eskarne (my original setting for the Anthegenia Cycle, and yes, also the name I gave the Great Bird in Reborn Again. It means "Mercy".)

For the user profiles, I ended up using a nifty Nucleus plugin for customizable profiles. Even if there'll only ever be two users for the Caduceus, I just had to get it done *right*. ^^;

I went through a few different and interesting blog software and CMSs before settling back with Nucleus, one of my staple favorites:

I had this thought late last night about looking into some of my old writings. As I've probably said before on one incarnation of my site or another, I've saved my writing from 4th grade (9-10 years old, I think?) onward. Most of it before I started using the web is written on journals rather than typed out or put online.

I look back at them now and then, I guess partly to remind myself how far I've come as a writer, and a person. Holding those old journals in my hand is like looking at a relic. I mean that was 19 years ago, when I wrote the first one. Nearly an entire decade has passed.

This time, though, I was looking for something in particular. I was thinking about...

(I write about some strong sexual themes and abuse in this post, though pertaining more to fictional characters than my RL. Still, might not be something everyone wants to read, so I figured I'd give a warning.)

I've wondered at times why I chose Ryshassa's more abusive parent to be her mother. It's created some... unusual situations, I must say.

I pulled an all-nighter (till 11 am) writing a huge document on the Prydaen race for the Order Talliska's in. Honestly, I don't even know if it's what the Speaker expected. o.O I just wrote what I thought was an appropriate document to describe the Prydaen race and customs in the light of the latest wave of hate/prejudice.

I did a crapload of research for it, too. I was already familiar with Prydaen customs, having played Talliska for years, but I wanted to make sure I got everything as right as I could make it. So I subjected myself to several hours of peering through the 37 pages of posts in the Prydaen race forums. o.O Well, a lot of it was interesting reading, and I did get some good stuff from the GM posts, so it was worth it. I'll post it here when I've got some sort of consent or approval from the Order, I guess.

Anyway, end result is that I'm exhausted (though oddly giddy) and I've got one, maybe 2 RPs to play tonight (definitely Panoply, maybe 1890's game since it was skipped last week), on top of prepping for Emberdays tomorrow. n.n Fortunately, I don't think the ED prep will take much time, I already have a good idea how it'll go. So I'm just going to try and get everything done and rest/sleep early.

So, Kalli wrote me a late birthday present. :O

It's a ficlet! It also so happens to have some yuri in it. ^^ (Winry/Sheska, from Fullmetal Alchemist. Thooough, it also implies some Ed/Al -- yaoi AND incest, whoo -- as it follows the events of her other FMA fic, Agapē.) The dedication she wrote in the beginning is *really* touching, too... I truly appreciated it. Never thought I'd say "YAY my friend gave me yuri as a present." XD

Anyway, all that babble aside, here is the fic: Treading on Dreams. OH and both fics I just linked are FMA-spoily so beware!

Following on the odd and unexpected incest theme is this lil IRC log from a few hours ago that amused me. XD (I'm Mieu, and Minna is my RL sister, just so you understand).

I was going to spend tonight working on Rosalia's sheet, but once again, I was thwarted. :/ Deadlines and weariness aside, friends > RP and I really wanted to be there to talk.

I've seen with my own eyes, and lived with my own experience, how much damage depression can do to a person's life -- and sometimes, the lives of others, too. I understand all too well the self-destructive urge, but I have the wisdom of many years of self-analysis and a husband who just never quit when it comes to making me face the *truth* of my condition. I honestly consider myself lucky that I've had these years to think about myself and what's really wrong with me. Many people with my condition never get that far -- they only continue to blame themselves, and believe that everything that goes wrong in their life is their just desserts.

I've got a lot of dust in my nose now. n.n;

We moved around some stuff to make more room in the apartment. I have this wall now to the right of me and it makes me feel kind of claustrophobic. I dunno why it bothers me, really, it's just a wall. o.O And there's a window a little behind and to the side of me, it's just curtained. Eh, the mind is a weird thing.

Tomorrow I'll probably be out all day. Going to go with Jon to buy some new bedsheets for the futon and a curtain to separate (gah, why do I always spell that word wrong) the two parts of our apartment, since there isn't a door between the two rooms. Also need other stuff. Like... hand soap, and feminine products. I started my period so I spent a lot of today grumpy and tired.

Oh, also, I read / beta-ed more of Kalli's Fullmetal Alchemist fic! It's quite good, and it got me watching FMA again, too. YAY~ I have been talking to her about how I want to do a writing project that is separate (that word again =_=) from RP. I just don't know what to write, really. I'm pondering getting into drabbles, at least to start! But, that's something to think about for later.

My sis is coming really soon now! And there's lots of stuff (namely RP) that I'm doing before then.

Sunday: Wardragon and Panoply! Winning day :D
Monday: Emberdays. 2-3 minis, so might be a lil' draining.
Tuesday: Ex2 one-shot during the night hours, with Riezsa and Kiran!
Wednesday: ED - Iesan's intro, hopefully a conclusion. :/
Thursday: ...hrm! Maybe L5R, but I kinda have a feeling it won't run.
Friday: Helping Jon finish cleaning and preparing for my sister's visit!
Saturday: Sis flies in! Yay!

I just finished playing 1890's game, too. It was a good session. It's been VERY slow in coming, but I'm starting to get a feel for Clarissa, my Sidchar. The future visions thing, I think I can really work with. And her academic sorcery schooling. Hopefully I'll actually get to use some of her socials some day. ^^

Anyway, is bed times nao. I have RPs and Kalli fic-readings when I wake!

I think he actually strongly resembles Albireo from Reborn Again in some ways. They are similar kinds of people, and in a way even *look* similar. Well, they're both blond, on the tall side, good looking and appear young, though are older than most of the other main characters in their respective worlds.

Also, there's a certain relativity, I guess, in their morality. They are generally good hearted, I think, highly motivated by a desire to protect what's important to them. However, they may employ methods some would consider underhanded or outright manipulative -- basically, "the means justifies the end." They may even outright kill for their beliefs, and take a certain pride in their convictions.

Sometimes when I think about my younger years, especially high school and college, I realize in hindsight just how much of a melancholy girl. Sure, I could put on a smile, and I could make people laugh and feel comfortable, and I even got good grades... until I was left to my own devices, anyway. But I wasn't happy then.

The only difference between the me then and the me today are age and self-awareness. I know I'm unhappy... but just knowing that doesn't really help it.

In those dark college days, I wrote Reborn Again. A lot of it was raw and unpolished and made up as I went along. But it had something else... it had genuine feelings that I poured into it, born of the frustration and helplessness and despair I felt in my life. Chapter 0 was likely written in one of the darkest moods I've ever had, and so much of it still feels relevant today. I guess that's why people still read what I've written there, now and then.