Projects

Well the move got pushed forward again, but it's a good thing, because we're not even done getting the place clean before heading out.

I feel kind of bad, because I told everyone I'd be moving today, but then plans changed. We still have some junk lying around, the walls are dirty, etc. so there's still work to be done. (Edited for clarity :P) But I COULD be around, since Jon is doing most of the heavy work due to me being a worthless loser. I even got on PSU yesterday cause I really, really wanted to try Max Attack G part 2 while we took a break from stuff. Just a couple hours, but still. :/

I feel my life is a waste unless I'm around for people or doing things for people. Maybe people need me around and I'm just flaking out. Like, am I going to come back online at the new place and realize people are upset at me because I could've been around on Fri or part of Sat but I wasn't?

The other thing on my mind right now is about Kalli.

Well, I'm a bit better today. Probably going to be pretty distracted today though... I threw off my sleeping pattern when I had to lie down. I was so sick with stress I was too weak to get up for several hours.

I did rest though, and I talked a lot to Jon and spent time with him. I always worry about the repercussions when my frustration gets the better of me, or my paranoia, my trust and control issues, my anxiety or so on. He is so often my target, because 1) he lives with me, and 2) he is probably the only person I'd hope would still talk to me after I show him my cruelest and most selfish side.

I'm the type of person to expect people to hate, abandon, or discredit me. As friendly and accepting as I can be, I'm very hard to get close to. I'll purposefully withdraw from people when I feel too asocial or anxious. It's easy for me to just disappear, when I don't expect anyone to miss me.

So I've been letting myself rest... it's nice. ^^

Today I've just been playing Etrian Odyssey 2, messing with DR and chatting with peoples.

I found out there is interest in me making a Tower Between Worlds MUD again. :O It looks like it might be based on Smaug, which happens to be one of the types of muds I've never played. Figures! It's more of the hack n' slash type, so there will be actual potential for combat and character advancement, unlike previous Tower projects. *boggles at this*

But it'll be a small project, more like a playground for a few of us to mess with building and writing descriptions and such. Mostly it'll be Eni and Kalli and me, it looks like. Maybe others if there is interest.

Dunno yet when it'll be set up -- probably next month? Or Sept? So let me know if working on Tower MUD interests you.

Figures that now that I have more time to myself I'd do MORE RP, yes? These projects are meant to be a lot more lightweight and slower paced games than the other stuff I was trying, though. And it helps satisfy my curiosity about messing with non-Exalted systems!

Reborn Again: Destiny's End - Unfinished page for my BESM game, which should start in August after I'm settled in Montreal. I'm probably being a lil' slow with this one, but it's *Reborn Again* and so that requires some more attention to detail (read: perfectionism) from me to write all the necessary docs.

Roguelike Adventures! - A D&D 4e game, good ol' dungeon crawler in the style of a roguelike game. This site is more or less complete (with players' charsheets) and is almost ready to run. :O I just need to poke at the DM book and get a good method of churning out random dungeons and such.

So... I'll be back on Thursday.

Just hiding around here messing with Dragonrealms (training Talliska in serpents and vipers now. Owie, viper poison! But I've gotten lots of combat and skinning ranks!) And poking at RPoL posts (I keep making charsheets for games that don't run... helps me practice learning Ex2 rules, I guess).

Other than that I've been coming up with a new idea for a RP for Jon and me. Actually, it's not new so much as a... retelling of something old.

More or less, I'm trying to rewrite Exalted Ryshy's history. I left ADoA and I don't want to mess with anything Col or the other players created, but I still like that particular version of the character and her history. So I'm doing a sort of "Belladonna Revival", I guess you could say.

A couple of things, actually.

Well, yesterday, I finally heard from Manze about the Prydaen document I wrote, and he was pretty impressed. I'm happy that the all-nighter I pulled was worth it.

Apparently he wants Talliska to be the Order's Race Sage for Prydaens now. I told him it amused me, because Talliska so doesn't think of herself as the teaching type. But I didn't outright refuse. After all, I DO feel like I know Prydaen culture backwards and forwards after all the research I did. ^^;

Also, yesterday night (today), I created this: Iyadali Waveshorn. It's an Exalted 2nd edition character sheet for a Roleplay Online game. Young Solar exalts, +10 bp more than normal, blah blah.

"Gasmasks are just like... so post apoc. XD"

Heh! I was going to play Sims 2, as I said, but I ended up getting distracted by chatting with Grey. ^^; I just said that while explaining Eutopia Project to him. Woo, my post-apoc dystopian concept! Which I may never turn into a game! But it's yet another one of those concepts I really want to write about in detail on my site.

Actually, Eutopia Project is supposed to be a slice out of the whole sci-fi universe I wanted to create. "Genetic Symphony" is what I've called it all this time, though I am starting to lean towards giving it a different name. The "symphony" part came from the fact that the godlike beings or Celestials communicate by pure wave-forms, which can be interpreted as light... or sound.

(This Exalted game idea is mostly typed up from a hand-written journal I was jotting notes in while playing Sims 2. I'm posting it here now because insomnia doesn't want me to get to sleep! =_=)

Premise - Heaven's soul collectors.

Exalt types - Solars, Lunars. Sidereals and Abyssals possible, given some canon changes (below). I'm not excluding DBs or non-exalts because they *couldn't* help, but because I want this to be a Celestial-only game.

Setting - Varies. Heaven will be prominent, and parts of Creation with high concentrations of undead (shadowlands, likely.)

Time period - post-Second Age as written in canon.

These are the days, the end complete
A world still turning to the sound of the suffering
You are the jury, we are the saints

Our minds divide, the past repeats
A war still brewing in the hearts of those we once bled
I am the knowing...the living dead
-- Coheed and Cambria, "The End Complete"

I have been thinking lately about Anthegenia, Sophia and Lonan.

The whole concept of Anthegenia was born from the B&B RP, which I consider one of my biggest screwups as an ST. :x Actually, I'm a screwup as an ST in general, because my anxiety fucks me up SO badly. I've looked at how I run when I'm not anxious and I think it's actually ok, even good. But when I am, every post is a struggle. :/

(Before I start this post I'd like to say thank you to: Lumi, Eni, Raccoon, Kraken, Selina, Grey, Col, Manu and my sister, for listening to me rant and/or showing your concern in your own way. It helps a lot. ^_^)

I think that I am done being angsty now. I hope. But I am tired of feeling helpless and not being able to enjoy everything about life that IS worth living for. At one point I just overloaded on stress (yesterday afternoon-ish) and decided I was tired of it. :P Besides, I was enjoying the RP and chatting with my friends! And why shouldn't I? D: