darksiren's domaine

I ended up having to go to sleep because of aforementioned headaches. But I was woken up a few hours ago because Talli was summoned along with Alexsei and other members of the White Rose by General Zukir of Zoluren. I was groggy and freaking out, but it turned out to be a good thing: Talli and Alexsei were both awarded for their recent service in the Naarg invasions.

Getting awarded by a GMPC is a new thing to me, so poor Talli was pretty stiff and awkward in accepting it. I've never done anything in DR with an expectation of reward, so it was a touching and humbling gesture. I was especially glad for how good it looked for the White Rose!

Moments like these remind me of why I keep playing DR despite everything. Sure it's not the real world, but making a difference still makes one feel accomplished. Especially when it can be challenging to do so as a PC in Zoluren, where it can be difficult to get people to agree and work together on anything. Now if only I could take that energy and communication skill and do something real with it!

I'm thinking of recreating Talliska's journal, 'cause I feel kind of dorky nowadays writing about her accomplishments in an OOC journal. As it stands, I really badly need to rearrange the tags here; it's become bloated with 1000+ nodes and almost that many tags. Oh well, some day...

Tuesday night in Dragonrealms was the end of the Naarg event in Zoluren, so my entire night was taken up by participating in it (as Talliska). I think I'm really getting a taste for scouting / intelligence during invasions. I actually had fun, despite not being a fan of Naarg and all the crazy babble he inspired.

I find I just don't have all that much fun purely socializing in DR, lately. I just end up falling silent, spacing out and/or wanting to train something. I find my time spent is more rewarding when I'm doing something I feel is productive and useful. Like writing up documents or speeches, or using my hard earned skill in the game to sneak about and give enemy reports.

'Course, "usefulness" is relative here... after all, I'm doing all that work for a game. I pay to do it, not the other way around! Which really is kind of silly!

I think part of my problem is just not wanting to deal with people lately.

I wrote this earlier today while completely insomnic. I only slept like a couple hours last night, but my brain just *really* felt like finishing this bit of writing, which for a few months now was only partway done in Elanthipedia.

The history includes some elements of Exalted Rysha's past (mostly when I write of her parents and early years, as I never really fleshed this out until later) but the majority is a recollection of actual DR events. I've had Rysha as a character since 2001, so there was a lot to summarize.

I also tried to mention most of the characters that meant something to her throughout her long life. (She is 51 now, though Elotheans live for 300 years.)

So here it is :) Just posting it to share, and so I have a record of it on my site.

This time around it seems the 'going back to college' project is going better than last year. I signed up for my classes and I'm not completely freaking out to the point I don't think I could go. I nearly missed my chance last year, so my desire to do it for real is very high, no matter the anxiety, poor self-image, etc.

Doesn't mean I'm not still worried though. I managed to gain even MORE weight this year, and my weight problems (I'm really disgusted at being overweight, and continually failing at changing it) are a large part of keeps me a hermit. The first half of the year and all the DR drama I got dragged into did NOT help. I've only got a month and a half or so to shed at least a FEW pounds but now I'm stuck with chronic headaches and fatigue. :/

I spent a week in some sort of creative hell trying to kick this severe writer's block I had. I finally dealt with it last night and I feel so much better about that.

In the process of trying to wreck it I read a couple of Ender books back to back (Ender in Exile which I had owned for a while but hadn't had time to read until now, and Speaker for the Dead, one of my favorites of the series). I also started reading Violinist of Hamelin after Selina tried poking me to read the manga for years. Literally years! I've watched the anime (it's actually one of my favorites, despite it having such a low budget half of the scenes were just stills with sound) but this is the first time I went through the entire manga.

Now I'm in this huge reading mode which is awesome. Reading kicks writer's block in the butt! I ended up able to update pretty much all of Outcastes, which is the only game I'm working on right now.